E-K

War Horse (the film)

2012-01-30T09:50:00.014+11:30

I can't recommend this film enough and it's one you really need to see on the big screen to get the full impact. The cinematography and screenplay is truly breathtaking. The Devon landscape is as I would have painted Heaven had I been given a box of watercolours.

It's also great that the Americans are making some positive films about the English.

My two favourite scenes are the one at the end of the ill fated cavalry charge where the captured English officer is screamed at by the German commander "Did you think that we'd leave our camp undefended ? Just who the hell do you think you are ?"

I've never seen someone so convincingly crestfallen in film as Bennedict Cumberbatch. The German commander seemed as devastated by the sheer waste as he was.

The second is - without giving away too much plot - where War Horse is ensnared in barbed wire in No Man's Land and a British corporal defies his captain to go and rescue the poor beast. The waving of a white flag whilst reciting the 23rd Psalm, as he inched his way forward, were both deeply moving; an expression of his faith in the humanity of his foes as much as an expression of his faith in God.

Our small town lost 160 men and boys in that dreadful war. Many families lost all of their sons. 20 years later another 160 were sacrificed in defence of our island against Hitler.

Few of us know we've been born.

What is the fixation with Middleton's bum ???

2012-01-19T21:19:00.006+11:30

I suppose there's nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't rave about it though. I don't find it sexy.

Carol Vorderman on the other hand ... Phwoar !!!

On that note - I'm taking a break from blogging.

Will be back in a while. Take care y' all !

2012-01-18T10:12:00.010+11:30

Add caption

I found it at last. PMT Music in Bristol. An LL16 guitar made by Yamaha. I'd heard and read so much about them but hadn't found a dealer with one in stock ... until today.

It's a lovely guitar and fantastic value for money at £615. All solid wood (Engellmen spruce top and Indian Rosewood back and sides) which shouldn't be possible in the sub £1000 price range. It has a deep and rich woody sound and a really comfortable fretboard. I'd highly recommend it as a professional instrument - for strummers and guitarist/singers only. Would I buy one ? Nah. For all it's great attributes it's not a fingerstylist's guitar - the bass and mids overwhelm the treble strings somewhat. Though it's a highly competent, hand crafted, guitar it lacks character and individuality - this is typical of all Yamahas I'm afraid.

To be fair, the Yamaha is most definitely in the league of much more expensive guitars and this is an issue of taste.

When one hears a Gibson one can hear the distinctive Gibson sound. Ditto the Martin 'mojo' that guitar aficionados talk about. One never says "Oh my ! It's really got that Yamaha vibe." It's pure and sweet but flat. A guitarist's guitar sings back at the player through its sides - its notes spring forth through its top and fill a room in 3D. A portable orchestra in the right hands.

This is a true picker's guitar. The Martin ooo15. Solid Mahogany throughout. A mere £1100 (mere ???) but all the guitar a fingerstylist could ever wish for. You have to be careful with these though. Try before you buy. Some can sound a bit small and boxy. When they're right they can't be beaten (not in sound nor playability) ... not even by top end Martins or Collings at £3000. The basics are all covered in this one and anything else put into a guitar is just fluff.

Either this or a Gibson J45 at £1600. It depends if you like to play standing up or sitting down. (the Gibson for standing.) The Gibson has better projection for singer guitarists so I suppose it pips the Martin on versatility.

Gibson J45

A simple explanation of why E=mc² (without maths)

2012-01-17T05:15:00.058+11:30

E=mc²

Energy contained in an atom = mass (number of particles) in that atom x the speed of light (squared)

The forces binding the particles in an atom are incomprehensibly large

The particles in atoms can be viewed as packets of energy spinning and vibrating in different directions around their own axis [greatly simplified.] They race in random orbit about the nucleus -bound by invisible forces - at such speeds that they create force fields which we perceive as solidity.

knock knock !

The combination of these binding forces and particles (packets of energy) are what give an atom its mass...

... if we're saying that atoms comprise only of various manifestations of strength (force/energy) and nothing of any real substance, then the mass of the atom can be converted wholly into energy ... a LOT of energy.

When that mass is converted into energy - by breaking the atom up - the particles are released from their bonds and become mass-less entities which are free from the reach of inhibiting phenomena such as weight and innertia; at the same time the bonds turn into a huge burst of energy.

Why the speed of light ?

It is a universal law that only mass-less particles and waves can travel at the speed of light (300,000,000 metres per second.) They call it 'the speed of light' for convenience. Magnetic waves - such as electricity - are also mass-less and they too travel at 300,000,000 metres per second (any mass-less article can do it.) 'The speed of magnetic waves' isn't very catchy though, is it ? Don't get hung up on why Einstein chose to refer to light - he just needed the maximum, universally constant, speed that can be achieved by the contents of an atom when liberated from their atomic constraints and transformed into a mass-less state.

Why can't a massive object travel at the speed of light ?

Two reasons:

The first is theoretical. Events in the solid (life sized) Universe are very different to those in the quantum (sub atomic) Universe. The effect of a solid event could get to its destination before the event could be observed to have happened.* This is governed by laws of causality - the effect of an event cannot take place before the event. Cause MUST come before effect. This law cannot be broken. The no-time-travel rule is non negotiable in our realm. All other laws would break down and history would become meaningless and chaotic - clearly this is not the ordered Universe we see around us and so we can take it that this rule has not been broken.

The second reason is mathematical. Calculations show that propelling an object with mass towards the speed of light would require more energy than is available within reach of that object. (The object gets heavier the faster it travels and needs increasing amounts of energy to move it - but let's not go there, eh.)

Why is the speed of light 'squared' ?

Well this comes from Newton's Second Law of motion:

Force = half mass x velocity squared

This is rudimentary physics tested on a bench with ticker-tapes using 17th Century mathematics and requires some algebra to prove. Do you want to go there ? Thought not. Take it as red that the maths is already well established and that this short equation formed the template for Einstein's E=mc².

Incidentally; they reckon that if the energy were fully liberated from a single sugar cube it could power a city for ten years !

Two for me, please.
(I know that I've over simplified things. Corrections welcome.)

* Causality

An alien on Alpha Centurai (4 light years away) lifts off in a rocket and fires a lazer beam which travels instantly and hits the Earth.

Independant observers placed at various intervals along the route would see a different sequence of events owing to the limit of the speed of light (the only licence we have taken here is with the limitless speed of the lazer - merely to illustrate a point.)

Some observers - near Alpha Centurai - would see the alien firing the lazer at take-off. Some - nearer Earth -would see the lazer hit the earth long before they could see it being fired.

If the alien was observed to fire his lazer after the earth had been hit then a re-ordering of events would have taken place to many of the observers on the route.

There has to be a cosmic speed limit. Otherwise the lazer has broken the light barrier which is the same as saying that it has broken the time barrier too.

So soon ?

2012-01-14T22:05:00.006+11:30

I didn't expect to see the EU flag crash beneath the waves off the coast of Italy so soon. There will be an outcry when the public realise just how many Diddley-Diddlies there are trapped in steerage class standing on each other's shoulders. A good metaphor for the whole EU tragedy really.

**Substitute Diddley-Diddlies with poor Philipinos away from home for years on end on below minimum wage**

Professor Rawlings (left) allegedly killed by his research partner Dr Sivia in a plot which could have come straight out of a Sunday night murder mystery.

Stanislav Zavialov writes on Professor Rawlings' Facebook site:

"No ! Horrible ! I still remember his explanation of the divergence theorem using the wildebeest. May he rest in peace."

Not the Stanislav surely ?

Met Stop and Search

2012-01-13T20:37:00.013+11:30

Radio 4 today

A black chap complaining "Da po'leece get tooo aggwessive when dey stop black yoot."

Well we've seen this many times for ourselves on police shows on TV. Perfectly polite officers being told that they are being 'too aggwessive' and the person being stopped exploding in foul and abusive anger and getting themselves arrested for behaviour unrelated to the original stop - more often than not driving without MOT and insurance (which should still be classed as serious offences but aren't anymore.)

Some may say the police are behaving for the cameras but the young black men certainly aren't.

I believe that what we see on TV is precisely how the police are without the cameras there - it is certainly how it was when I was a policeman 25 years ago. Diversity formed a great part of our training even then. Taking one step out of line was a career finisher in 1987 as much as it is now (Having gone to a 40% black school I didn't even notice 'diversity'... until I wore a police uniform and was treated differently.)

The police in London have tried withdrawal on a number of occaisions - each has resulted in an explosion of knife crime and a clamour from the 'community' for more intensive policing. This involves acting accordingly to 999 calls (in which most of the victim innitiated descriptions for robbery suspects involve black youths in hoodies) or responding to crime statistics in which racial descriptions of suspects are collated from victim reports.

Intelligence led policing rather than on gut feeling in other words.

All of this is now under the eye of local 'community' leaders.

"Da po'leece get tooo aggwessive ..."

Well either you're stupid or you're lying, matey.

Why is this issue so bloody tricky and will it ever be resolved ? When are the 'community' leaders going to step forward and back the police up ???

Barratt's Home Executive

2012-01-12T20:37:00.044+11:30

Radio 4 just now. A Barratt's Home exectutive on why they are now building family homes instead of starter homes:

"We've found that house prices are so high that first timers are having to save up £40,000 deposits. Median wage earners can expect to have to wait until they are aged 37 to buy their own house."
[We need to move into an active market - in other words.]

Yes. Clearly. There are so many stranded would-be buyers that it means boon time for landlords and that rents are going up at a rate of 7% pa - accommodation costs are making it near impossible for people on average earnings to save money into bank accounts. Yet Mr Barratt's tells us that times are not particularly hard for first-timers in terms of financing and affordability. (My parents bought their first family house aged 26 on one low wage. Who's Mr Barratt's kidding ?)

Our Barratt's exec was asked if there really was a housing crisis and if house prices were being kept up artificially.

"Oh no." he said defensively "There is a need to build 200 thousand more homes per year such is the demand for housing."

Why are Barratt's going into family housing now ? Are they doing this because they are getting cuddly-wuddly about families ?

Don't be silly.

It's because they appeal to older people who have the money for deposits from the equity of their first houses.

Clearly it's because they can't shift starter homes at the high prices that they want to. There is a real fear that those new builds would remain empty - because people can't save the deposits needed to buy them at such inflated prices. Those within the target market are finding these houses unaffordable despite record low interest rates and record demand from people wishing to own houses. So - instead of dropping prices and building them at affordable prices - Barratt's are pulling out of the market.

Good business. I don't blame them. But a housing crisis ?

Faux

2012-01-12T04:46:00.007+11:30

Member of Parliament Louise Mensch bangs on about how much she hates being regarded as 'totty' and then goes on to pose in a lad's mag dressed in just about the sexiest outfit known to man: the French Waitress. Well it's almost the sexiest outfit known to man but she'd need to give up her seat to wear the one that I have in mind:

Alcohol intake: Advice from the Government.

2012-01-11T06:14:00.012+11:30

The latest from the Government is that we should have at least two alcohol free days per week in order to allow our livers some respite.

One thing is certain: the person who donated the healthy liver in this picture is dead while the owner of the unhealthy liver - which rather reminds me of a peppered steak - may well still be alive (the recipient of the 'healthy' transplant perhaps ?) So a fat lot of use a tea-total lifestyle did the owner of the healthy liver !

The tragedy of it all is that most of the people I know who have died young had lived the healthiest of lifestyles and dropped dead whilst doing healthy things such as jogging or walking. I know of plenty of people of a ripe old age who have smoked, drank and eaten in total excess: including the full line-up of the Rolling Stones whose DVD I was given for Christmas this year. Yay !

Grammar Schools

2012-01-10T08:47:00.009+11:30

The Tory party appears to support grammar schools but seems reluctant to build new ones.

When our boys took the entry exams we saw this as a test of parental aptitude rather than a test of the children. The exams are not overly difficult - the children at the school are not particularly gifted. The exams, however, require a measure of support and preparedness which can only come under parental direction; few children could do it for themselves.

This is what makes grammar schools successful: parental support and a unified belief in what education should be; it's not so much about the cleverness of the children in them and (though the exams are about screening out low IQ) it is far more about screening out parents who are indifferent.

The tragedy is that, owing to high demand for grammar schools, even well supported children who pass the 11 plus can be rejected.

A teacher friend of ours at the local state school has just quit her twenty year career over the fact that the Head will not back the staff over abusive children and their equally abusive parents. This was the school that my boys went to and this is why we encouraged them to go to grammar. Pity the children who have to share secondary schooling with those types (as did I when I was young. I barely managed 3 'O' levels and had to go to night school to pass English.)

I have seen for myself the scuzzy, tattooed mothers storming up the school drive, fag in hand, faces puce with rage, ready to do battle with the staff.

That's one scene you do not see at grammar. So why have there been no new ones for 50 years allowing parents to segregate their children from such disruptive people ?

Why are parents in Sevenoaks having to campaign for a grammar to be opened via a loophole in the law which states that no new schools can be built but that annexes to oversubcribed ones can ?

Are the Tories ashamed of this system ? Otherwise why can't we have it up front ?

If there is a clamour for a particular type of education why can't everyone who wants it, and who is prepared to work for it, have it ?

HS2

2012-01-07T22:05:00.012+11:30

So it looks like HS2 is going ahead.

As a rail worker I can tell you what the network needs and it isn't HS2. This only deals with one area of the UK network and it doesn't address the issue of cash-strapped motorists returning to the railways in droves throughout the whole country. Our trains are now often full to capacity.

It's more carriages and longer stations - throughout the country - that we really need.

We also need to get a grip on metal thefts. The costs and disruptions these are causing to the network is devastating.

(Message for Pips: I have been unable to get on your blog and communicate for weeks now. It says it's open to 'invited readers only'. I hope all is OK. I have done nothing to alter my own communications so I presume there must be a technical problem between the two. Could you check all your settings please ?)

Stephen Lawrence/Diane Abbott

2012-01-06T07:34:00.014+11:30

I heard Jesse Jackson talking yesterday as though Britain was Mississippi Burning. He should keep his nose out of our affairs. We are not Southern State America.

I'm glad the killers of Stephen Lawrence have been convicted. They were nasty thugs and I hope that justice has been done.

I'm also glad that white on black killings are so rare that a plaque can be erected in memory of Stephen and the resources found for it to be observed by CCTV 24hrs a day.

I'm proud that we are a country so fair minded that - in persuit of justice for a black teenager - we've changed policing and recruitment policy, changed the law on double jeopardy and have undertaken serious national introspection over the issue of subconscious racialism. Judge McPherson - in his examination of the lax police investigation into the Lawrence killing - could find no overt racialism and so invented an entirely new category which lawyers and the politically correct have applied to all institutions since (including the BBC.) Institutional Racism has caused root and branch reform of all of our major organisations.

The black MP Diane Abbott appears to see none of this and many in the black 'community' (as they like to call themselves and which was the very point that the Twitter journalist was trying to make) are claiming that racialism against blacks is worse than ever. Ms Abbott misunderstood the point about who was using the term 'black community' and why it is wrong to do so - in her confusion she went on to smear the whole white race in an unguarded comment.

I hope that Diane Abbott will remain an MP and will not be treated with the same severity that Dr David Starkey was last year over a similar generalisation - as well as it being a more measured reaction this would rather prove my point about how fair Britain has been but also about how much our system is now weighted in favour of minorities.

When are those chips going to come off those shoulders ? I fear that nothing we do is going to be good enough. These people are nothing without racism.

(H/T To SO17 & Ranter for some of these ideas)

One community leader stated "The black community feels over policed and under protected."

Having proven that white on black killings are rare enough to warrant guarded memorials: protection against whom exactly ?

Ladies and gentlemen. I regret to announce ...

2012-01-03T11:22:00.002+11:30

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/dec/20/rail-fares-rise

Inflation busting rail ticket rises. What can I say ?

I'm embarassed at some of the ticket prices I hear quoted to passengers - in the order of £200 for a return trip to London. Sure. You can buy online and get some cracking deals - but what of the turn-up-and-go convenience of public transport ?

I don't pretend to know the intricacies of the privatised franchising agreements but what I do know is that government subsidies are being withdrawn and the Train Operating Companies are trying to make up for the shortfalls.

The link from the Guardian (above) explains that - out of every pound - 17p goes on staffing, 17p goes on stock and maintenance, 3p is taken by the TOC in profit and the rest goes to Network Rail for infrastructure charges.

British railways lag far behind the Continentals in quality and value for money. On the positive side of things our railways provide many more services albeit they're overcrowded ones.

I suppose it's like most things in the UK. You pay through the nose whatever it is you're buying. As a railway worker I AM sorry about it though.

PS. I'm also sorry that my train always runs late though this is not my fault. Einstein's General Relativity equation sees that my watch runs slower than yours does.

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T11:43:00.003+11:30

What of the ridiculous amount of fireworks in London for the 2012 celebrations ?

What do we do now when something really special happens ?

What of the carbon footprint they keep banging on about ?

What a load of old fluff.

Happy New Year.

E-K

The Wall

2011-12-30T09:00:00.005+11:30

***Warning. Probably the most disgusting post I've ever published***

I was at a dinner party this evening and the ladies were talking about their trials and tribulations with their teenage boys.

All agreed that masturbation had become a big issue and that they were fed up with crusty sheets - one admitted that she'd fitted toilet roll holders by the boys' bedsteads but even then she was "... astonished at their output" and had been forced to ask them to at least meet half way and deposit the tissues, that she'd provided for their convenience, in the toilet rather than just leave them strewn about the bedroom floor for her to dispose of.

Well I can honestly say that my mother never had such problems with me as a teenager. However, there was the issue of me having to re-plaster (and re-paint) the wall by my bed when we sold our house !

To be fair my bedroom was in the loft and it was freezing for most of the year and accessible only by a ladder.

No such thing as a free (Christmas) lunch..

2011-12-25T05:27:00.016+11:30

I thought I'd regale you with a lovely Christmas tale.

When I lived with Ma and Pa we used to have two dogs. Barney was our first dog and was a stray mongrel whom Pa had rescued after he'd been brought into his police station (Pa was a cop on desk duty at the time.) Benny was a pedigree King Charles Spanniel who'd performed dismally at every show on account of him being a fat bastard. The uppity old aunt who'd bought him decided that he wasn't good enough to keep and so dumped him on us indefinitely (permanently as it transpired.)

Come their first Christmas day together the two dogs were given a treat of fresh turkey meat in their bowls. Benny wolfed his down and then - being the greedy bugger that he was - started on Barney's. Barney was a bit non-plussed by the rude behaviour of this interloper and attempted to edge his way towards his own food. Benny responded by presenting his rump to Barney to block his various approaches. Barney persisted for a short while and then appeared to frown and stepped back as if to give the situation some careful consideration...

A few moments later Barney was taking Benny up the arse with some vigor - Benny just carried on eating as though it wasn't happening.

Both seemed rather happy with the outcome. Benny got some stuffing with his turkey. This became a Christmas tradition thereafter.

On that savoury note ...

Happy Christmas everyone !

E-K

E-K's Time Sausage Theory is confirmed by science !

2011-12-22T00:30:00.027+11:30

It seems like yesterday that I posted my Time Sausage Theory. It must have been in my previous blog deleted over three years ago. I'm sure some of you will remember it.

Basically each moment is preserved and exists independent of any other and a guy walking down a street - viewed from outside of time - would meld into one long time-lapsed state and resemble a sausage.

Time Sausage

From there I went on to explain that we exist because there are an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of histories playing out simultaneously in each of them - there is an infinite amount of time and an infinite amount of space with an infinite amount of material. All of this adds up to an infinite amount of possibility.

Because of infinite universes, infinite time, infinite space, infinite histories ...infinite possibilities :

- We exist because probability makes it innevitable that we exist

- We ask these questions because we exist

- We find ourselves here and nowhere else because this is where we are.

It's important to look at these issues from the right end of the telescope to be able to understand them. That is what I'm trying to do with the above statements. Let's turn the telescope around the right way.

The theory goes that there are an infinite amount of different versions of our lives being played out right now.

Of course, each one of those simultaneous histories - within each universal realm - must conform to the basic laws of that universe which means, sadly, that the Flying Spaghetti Monster could never exist in ours.

It's comforting to know that I have another history - one almost like my own but one in which I didn't tell a manager where to get off and lose the best job I'd ever had. It's also nice to know that I'm not in that history where I treated my manager perfectly, got promoted and was then run over by a bus and killed on the way home from work.

This happened 12 years ago ... in another history. R.I.P, E-K.

Self determination and free will are illusions - in the infinite-histories universe we get to make all choices; here we experience but one chain of possible choices and their ramifications. Have you ever wondered why on earth you did something out of character or why something you did, or said, came out precisely opposite to that intended ?

If you haven't then you're probably living in a very good history of yourself.

De ja vu is, perhaps, a crossover from one parallel history to another. A peek at the true universal set up.

Think I'm talking rubbish ?

Well Stephen Hawkings doesn't. I'm reading his most recent book and it confirms what I said to the absolute hilt.

Multiple histories are proven science through the measurement and observation of light particles and the realisation they must be both waves and particles at the same time - that they move through multiple histories simultaneously (existing in more than one place at a time) is the only explanation which passes repeated mathematical testing.

This maths and theory is the basis for some of the magical inventions and human advances we are enjoying today.

Incidentally. Did you know that no particle in the universe can vibrate at the precisely same energy level as another ? This is a rule of nature which, if disobeyed, would mean universal collapse. More startlingly it means that when temperatures are affected locally their alteration must be communicated across space - to the outer reaches of the Universe if necessary - instantaneously ! This is so that any 'twin' particle may alter its state to comply with that thermodynamic law which they've discovered at the frontier of scientific progress.

Isn't this mind blowing stuff ?

I was talking to my boys about this the other day. I said "The average universe has no life in it. It's all a very hit and miss affair."

Sam answered, "Don't be silly, Dad. How can there be 'average' when we're talking about infinity ? What do you divide the amount of life bearing universes by ?"

Obviously they think on a much higher plane than I do. This is a tad unfair as all they ever seem to do is play X Box.

Maternity case.

2011-12-21T01:45:00.009+11:30

Here is a link to the recent case where an NHS doctor was awarded record damages (paid for by the taxpayer) for compensation over harassment because she'd had a baby. The harassment was found to have been so bad that the doctor is now unable to work. The award totalled around £4m against a hospital trust which is already making cuts in emergency services.

I don't condone harassment in any form. I do understand, however, that maternity concessions can cause resentment among other workers (I'm sure that paternity concessions would too but I've never experienced anyone taking them.) I've worked at places where over sixty percent of female colleagues have been on maternity leave or on some kind of accommodated duty especially arranged to fit around childcare. This means that many of the family friendly shifts are taken up and the remaining workers get continually bumped onto nights, very early or very late starts - none of which were meant to be theirs. Not only can extreme shifts affect workloads and moods; they can also affect relationships and personal judgement adversely.

Eric Clapton Unplugged

2011-12-16T05:33:00.005+11:30

I used to play in a duo at the time that Clapton's Unplugged album came out. This was handy as my buddy could sing like him ... I did my best to play like him too and added the backing vocals. We made shitloads (£200 per gig - between us - twenty years ago.)

Restaurants are very nice to play but I do miss having some cheers and enthusiastic applause. This evening a hubby comes into the Italian to collect his wife while I'm in the middle of playing and starts asking "What guitar is that ? What tuner is that ? What amp is that ?"

"Look. While I appreciate your interest, I do wish you'd fuck off, mate !"

Nah. I didn't really say that, though it was on my mind. Instead I just about got to say "It's Spaaaa-nissh ..." before the piece I was playing collapsed in a heap.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pajTY-GXzA&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Me playing some Clapton on a Tanglewood TW 40 orchestral. I think it does a pretty good job of imitating the Martin OOO 45 which Clapton is playing in the picture and which costs around £3k

(Will probably sound a bit tinny through laptop speakers)

The Death of the High Street

2011-12-14T21:17:00.012+11:30

Internet shopping has taken a chunk out of high street sales and contributed to business closures and the rise of taxpayer subsidised 'charity' shops (many of which, rather cheekily, sell brand new stock and pay their executives six figure salaries whilst their workers get nothing.) The real killer for inner town butchers and clothes shops has been the supermarkets. Why ? Our nearest supermarket is six miles away - that's hardly convenient and yet virtually all of our town is happy to make the trip each week.

Actually it is convenient - very convenient by comparison to the local shopping area. The main reason is that supermarkets offer us free and accessible parking with big trolleys from till to car boot. This means that a one-stop - under-one-roof - shopping experience is much more affordable in time, money and effort than paying an extortionate local parking fee (to fund state pensions) and traipsing through a town, with heavy bags, buying from independents who can't match the same price deals nor the selection.

Why can't they match the same price deals ? Economies of scale is the main reason. The fact is that our small independents are being screwed by exorbitant 'business' rates on floor area (to fund public pension schemes) and high rents set by greedy landlords (to fund private pension schemes.) and all of these costs are proportionately higher on a lower turnover of sales than the big boys.

Try to do anything which is enterprising on the high street and you'll slave your guts out - probably unable to take a wage for the first two years - only to find yourself paying for other people not to work. So good luck with all that, Mary Portas.

The Govt/Corporate deal is that planning permission is allowed for out-of-town developments with free parking. This is hardly making us less dependant on the motorcar. It's not helping with our carbon reduction targets either. The outdoorsie, nature loving, Canadians are the first to back out of the Kyoto Treaty because it is unaffordable. So good luck with all that too, Mr Huhne. Our country is even worse placed than Canada to be able to afford Kyoto measures as it is being pulled in different directions on climate change, Europe and the stark reality of making a living in a cruel world.

I wish someone would make their mind up as to what kind of society we are instead of continually telling us (taxing us) to be one thing whilst forcing us (through cosy, political, deals with corporations) to be another.

Personally I'd go for supermarkets every day. There's no point in being sentimental about it. Turn what's boarded up in the high street into much needed living space and petrol garages.

Which Frozen Planet are they on ?

2011-12-13T05:05:00.001+11:30

When I saw this shot I immediately turned to Mrs E-K and said "Just how the Hell did they get that shot ?"

Turns out I was right. There are allegations that some of Frozen Planet was filmed in a zoo.

My comment on John Redwood's blog.

2011-12-11T03:38:00.001+11:30

I don’t doubt the effectiveness of the Eurosceptic campaign [Britain's veto]. The nub of this issue (the main driver of Mr Cameron’s decision) has been the City of London. A Tobin tax was a demand too far – even for the EU.

So powerful and important is the City of London to Britain that we pulled out of Northern Ireland when the IRA began to target it with massive bombs in the early ’90s.

Mr Cameron needs praise and encouragement at this time; he needs to be aware that his decision is – unintentionally – in line with British opinion; in fact not just British opinion but that of the vast majority of the French and the German public too.

People are not against the EU because they are xenophobic nor because they are against unity. They are against the EU because it is fundamentally Leftist. Its institutional Left-ness was innevitable as it was – from inception – created, not as a trading block, but as an institutionally biased bulwark against right wing politics.

If it were a Conservative construct it would be far more realistic in its economic and political outlook – it would not have sought a redistribution of wealth through expansionism and the admission of the PIIGS nations. If it were a Conservative construct it would not have sought a single currency before a single political union. If it were a Conservative construct its courts wouldn’t consistently find in favour of Leftism against common sense and against the public will.

The EU is failing (as is its currency) because it is Leftist. The western economies are failing because they adopted Leftism (America because Political Correctness begat sub prime.)

If the EU had every other physical characteristic but that its edicts and judicial findings fell on the side of Conservatism you can bet the likes of the BBC and Neil Kinnock would hate it. But then the EU would be a lot smaller and it would probably be working by now.

Mr Cameron may not yet get the message. There are still the repatriation of powers to be dealt with. Thus far we have averted something rather than regained what should be taken for granted. There is a delicate balance to be struck between praising him and convincing him that the majority are without voice and – above all else – that they are absolutely right.

The boy dun well !

2011-12-09T02:04:00.003+11:30

Sam came top in his year for biology (He doesn't get it from me.) His school made the top 100 in the country and he's the youngest in the year (his brother is 1min 30 older "My life was going really well until you were born." said Jake recently.)

We're bursting with pride.

I took them to school today and Radio 4 was on. It was about the Credit Crunch. I rarely talk politics with anyone, let alone my boys. Sam said to me,

"The euro is going to fail. Some of the eurozone states didn't have the requisite discipline to make it work."

(I wasn't too surprised. When he was three he piped up from the baby seat and asked to me make sure that our car insurance was valid.)

I asked him which states he meant and he said Greece, Ireland ... and that's as far as he got. I explained to him about the PIIGS and how to remember them. I then asked him,

"Who was the Prime Minister of Greece until recently ?"

"Err ..."

"I'll give you a clue. It begins with a 'P'."

"Err..."

"Pa-Pa-Pa ..." (Papandreaus)

He said,

"Pappa Smurf !"

---

Holy smoke ! Did you hear that dick, The Archbishop of Canterbury ? "Jesus would be at St Paul's today" Are you sure, Bish ? You don't think that he'd be with the starving millions in Africa ???

The following graffito appeared on the walls of St John's University in New York,

'Jesus said to his desciples "Who do you say that I am ?"

They replied "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the kerygma of which we find the ultimate meaning in our interpersonal relationships." '

Thanks for the replies to my previous post which I have read but will add to later.

Misunderstanding Part II

2011-12-07T07:18:00.004+11:30

Further to the flaming bin fiasco:

"When's the happy event ?" Yup. I've said that one to a woman who I thought was pregnant and then wanted the ground to open up beneath me when she told me that she wasn't.

Today I was on my way to work by train and noticed an old boy sitting on a wall outside the station in the freezing cold. It was 5.30am and the Whistle Stop Cafe' doesn't open until 06.30. He's often there at all hours of the night.

I know the value of the being able to look forward to a hot cup of tea in such circumstances and offered him some money.

"What on earth makes you think I need your money ?" he said in a very posh accent,

"Well now. You're wearing a dirty, worn out, coat which is tied up using a neck tie. Your shoes are worn out. Your hair is stuck to your head in just about the worst comb-over I've ever seen and you smell."

Well that's what I wanted to say but instead I said,

"It's just that it's very early and I see you here often. I thought you might like a cup of tea to look forward to when the cafe' opens"

"B-b-b-but ... I have my own home ... I cannot belieeeeeve that you would assume ..." by now he was getting angry.

"I didn't assume anything. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. I was just concerned that you could get cold sitting here and thought I could buy you a cup of tea. But never mind. I'm sorry if I offended you. Goodbye."

It's official. I now give up.

Well played ...

2011-12-04T23:41:00.008+11:30

A while back Mrs E-K got me a Playstation 2 for my birthday. I hadn't asked for it and it was really a present for the whole family. I didn't want for anything and was happy to double-up so that the kids could have more things - the PS 2 could also function as a DVD player which we didn't have at the time.

Having no interest in gaming it came as a surprise to me that I got hooked on an aerial combat game called Ace Combat. The graphics and scenery were extremely impressive and the areas that these sorties would take place over were vast and detailed. One could get completely absorbed by the game and actually feel like one was flying.

Another game which both Mrs E-K and I became addicted was Resident Evil Code Veronica. The puzzles and the fright factor outclassed any recent horror films for sending a shiver down the spine and for entertainment.

Then came the Wii. - bought ostensibly for us but really for the whole family. The golf and bowling is brilliant and has become a feature of Christmas and holiday entertainment.

I bought Resident Evil 4 a couple of years ago but found the gameplay way beyond me. The fight scenes are far too frenetic and intense and so I gave up. I returned to it recently as the boys have grown up and taken to gaming quite naturally, as boys of their age do. They've been helping me to get through it and thoroughly nerve wracking and addictive it is too.

There is some fantastically creative stuff going on out there which makes up for the paucity of good film making (The Human Centipede anyone ?) It doesn't cost much to experience games that are a few years out of date so there's no need to miss out.

------

I was disappointed to see Jimmy Hendrix voted best guitarist yet again - followed by the usual list of single-note noodlers from the '70s.

Django Reinhardt (a single-note noodler but I forgive him), Les Paul and Chet Atkins didn't even feature - nor did the chap out of Fleetwood Mac.

My top rated guitarists at this moment (among others who are unsigned or simply not famous):

Bob Brozman
John Williams
Andy Summers
Paul Simon
Matt Bellamy
Tommy Emmanuel

Most of them can play unaccompanied. That's what marks them out as far as I'm concerned. I know personally very many amateur guitarists who can play the minor pentatonic scale as well as Hendrix or Gilmore. There are none who could ever emulate the grown up - and yet fun - stuff that Brozman or Emmanuel do. As for playing lead part with the Royal Philharmonic like Williams can ? Forgeddit !

Missing the point

2011-12-02T21:23:00.007+11:30

On Question Time last night it was stated that the problems with youth unemployment was the lack of skills given to children by schools.

What ? Basic literacy, numeracy a decent work ethic and manners ? Because those are the only things that we expect of thousands of Poles who come to work here.

What is lacking is motivation pure and simple. And by that I don't just mean a lack of motivation from our youth but a lack of motivation from our employers and from our Government. It's a bit of a cheap shot to blame schools and teachers (the teaching of my boys has been excellent.)

Raising benefits in line with inflation while the low paid are being forced to take pay freezes will do nothing to disincentivise indolence. The taxpayer is - in effect - subsidising imported labour through taxes which are being used to keep our own youth at home rather than to pay down our debt.

Welfare is by far the highest of the Govt expenditures and they've just added £2bn in this week's budget. I don't think that Osbourne has the mettle to get us out of this fix.

Plan A: Print money/Increase welfare ... whilst freezing low/middle wages (limiting tax) in the face of 5% inflation.

Does anyone remember voting for that ?

The only thing I can see that's saving us at the moment (keeping our AAA) is the ability to devalue our own currency.

[In my opinion it is computer gaming and MTV type entertainment - television in general and fast food which is causing sloth and dependancy among our kids. Not just the consumption of it but the ease of consumption and the expectation that it will always be there. ]

Public Sector Strikes

2011-12-01T20:33:00.000+11:30

I saw BBC news last night and a rather chubby faced union leader was asked if he thought it was fair that private sector workers were having to fund public sector pensions whilst being unable to afford his own. His response was:

"So are the Government going to give the money they save on our pensions to the private sector workers ? No."

Well actually YES. But not in such a direct way as to put the money in their hand.

What planet are these people on ?

The Chinese must be looking at our country and thinking what a bunch of babies we are.

2011-11-29T21:59:00.002+11:30

I went to the shop the other day. The bin outside the cafe' next door to it was smoking - someone had discarded a lit cigarette in it.

I went into the cafe' and reported to the lady behind the counter that the bin was about to catch fire and asked for a cup of water to put it out. She shouted nonchalantly to the kitchen "Get some water. The bin's on fire." (All glottal stops - not one 'T' pronounced)

"Yeah." Came the disinterested reply. I saw the cook carry on frying bacon. I wouldn't mind but the lady was surrounded by cups and was by a sink. I waited a while. Another person came in and reported the fire. I could see the smoke billowing out of it by now.

"Look. If you give me a cup of water I can go and put the bin out for you. Otherwise if it catches hold you're going to have to call the Fire Brigade."

"Alright alright !" says the cook as he strolled out with a bowl of water - he couldn't have been more indolent if he tried.

I followed him out to the bin. He looked at it and his shoulders dropped huffily.

"It's not our bin. It's got nuffing ta do wiv us."

"But it's right outside your shop." I said incredulously.

"Look. Don't get arsey with me, mate."

By this time the bin is flaming. The girl who reported it after me is calling the fire brigade and everyone is going to have to be evacuated from his stupid little cafe' because that's procedure nowadays.

"Sod you then." I said as I walked off accutely aware that he had a full bowl of water to chuck at me.

I'm finding that this type of encounter is becoming more and more frequent. I could give you more examples that happened just this weekend.

This country is completely mad. The people are going bonkers !

2011-11-23T22:16:00.001+11:30

This picture shows UK Govt expenditure to scale. H/T to Bubble (Link listed)

Clearly the policy of displacing UK workers with foreign labour (driving up the costs of housing and resources) is subsidised through taxation and is costing us all dear. I know for a fact that many of those people on benefits are not lazy but are being pressured by cock-eyed economics to waste their abilities.

Youth Unemployment (Amended)

2011-11-19T00:53:00.012+11:30

Thanks to readers for contributions to this debate. It is something I need to thrash out as I wish to test my theory and bring it to a wider audience in a more complete form. Please follow the comments thread and add as much as you can. Be as blunt as you want. I won't take it personally - you're all too highly valued for me to hold it against you.

Recent figures show that youth unemployment within the UK exceeds 1 million. It is also stated that record numbers of jobs are going to immigrant workers - hundreds of thousands of jobs a year.

Some of the employees state that our youth are not up to the task, others that our youth tend to use coffee shop jobs as stepping stones to other careers and don't stick around for long (heaven forfend a young person should have ambition to climb the ladder !)

I can't think of many places around here which employ English people in hospitality service.
Among various remedies (improvements in education and restructuring of welfare) I would levy a direct and punitive tax against employees who ignore indiginous workers.

Why should Mr Costa be able to charge us £2.50 for a cup of hot water whilst maximising his profits with huge taxpayer subsidies ? For every immigrant he demands to run his business we are expected to feed and house an unemployed British person and suffer the incalculable costs of overcrowding - all this at the same time as he is given licence to shaft us for the price of a drink and a biscuit.

Let's get this in perspective. His business isn't important to the UK economy. We can do without it and the damage it causes us.

Make him pay full share for every British person he condemns to the dole whilst demanding a replacement. Why should we taxpayers bear that burden ?

Businesses have forgotten their role as youth training providers. Instead they demand that that we import mass labour at huge cost to us and huge profit to them. If they had no choice but to employ our kids then standards would need to be driven up soon enough and benefits culture would have to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

My idea is far better than the idiotic suggestion that we need to bring back national service. I also have some sympathy for the kids who kicked in shop windows this year. Not because I like them or because I don't think that they should be beaten with a rattan cane, but because they have been brought up to be useless, careless, thoughtless and hopeless. This is not their fault. It's ours and we need to be putting it right bloody sharpish. We must start putting our own youth first, no matter how difficult that might be in view of social and educational failings.

When every square inch of this country is concreted over with social housing and we still have to import people to run coffee shops - what do we do then ?

Why wait ? Let's deal with it now.

Cheap and Cheerful

2011-11-16T12:07:00.000+11:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b6e0AvYjUI

The video above is a nice one. I don't think you have to be into guitars to appreciate it. It just shows artisans at work loving their jobs and producing beautiful, hand crafted things. It could be jewellery for all it matters. OK. I admit that the video has been cleverly edited and directed but I don't doubt the sincerity of the workers in it.

Nor do I doubt the sincerity of the workers in this, much shorter, video. I just can't imagine their instruments being anything like as good. "Guitar shaped bits of wood." As Mr Collings says in the first video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJNQcJQGfHY

I just thought it was a fascinating contrast.

Sorry

2011-11-12T05:07:00.002+11:30

I forgot to observe the minute's silence in remembrance today. I was driving a train at the time and attempting to answer questions from a keen road learner who was with me. It's the first time I can recall that I've ever forgotten.

Instead I went to the memorial on the platform at Newton Abbot railway station. I quite often visit the one at Exeter when I'm on night duty. It has over two thousand names on it. Men lost during WWI. Many citations including 33 Military Medals.

Those were the losses from just one railway company .

I don't honestly believe that anyone but those who were alive then can comprehend how awful it must have been.

City policeman caught loitering within tent.

2011-11-11T01:05:00.001+11:30

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3925449/Binge-cop-wakes-up-in-demo-tent.html

Ha ha !

The St Paul's Cathedral demonstrators' camp had a surprise visitor this week. A City of London policeman (my old force) got so drunk on a night out that he wandered past St Paul's having already been kicked out of a celebration at the Savoy hotel.

The 'crusties' there took pity on him and allowed him to sleep in one of their tents for the night. He awoke the next morning not knowing where he was or how he'd got there. He was spotted by colleagues who grassed him up. Typical City. Glad they're keeping up an old tradition.

What can I say ? Mea culpa.

Having returned from a tug-of-war tournament with the City Police tug-of-war team I ended up going for a swift half in the bar at Bishopsgate. I awoke the next day to a couple of cleaning ladies laughing their heads off at me.

I'd fallen asleep in the basement of the Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant next door to the station and been locked in. I'd slept there all night with my muddy tug-of-war boots on the table.

I have no memory of how I got there.

I'll Fix It for you.

2011-11-10T06:49:00.002+11:30

One of my claims to fame is that I gave out a Jim'll Fix It badge on The Jim'll Fix It show.

I was in the City Police tug-of-war team and we'd been asked to pull two children out of a giant Christmas cracker on the Christmas show that year.

The present they'd given me to hand to the child was so disappointing (a miniature truncheon) that I'd gone out to find a toy shop. I got lost on the way back - the BBC studios at White City are a labyrinth and I couldn't find the one we were filming in. I managed to find our studio just in time to commence filming which had to be done in one take.

All went well except that the cracker caught fire in the pyrotechnic flash. The calmness of the crew and Jimmy Saville himself was something else. A true performer and professional - he guided me without it looking like he was doing so.

Sir Jimmy died recently and was buried today. Rest his soul.

(The tabloids tried for years to get dirt on the man. When they said they'd get him one day he replied "You won't. You're fishing in an empty lake.")

Despicable

2011-11-08T09:33:00.005+11:30

We've all seen the news about the spate of desecrations to our war memorials. This year is even worse than last. Theft of bronze for scrap and wanton vandalism with no consideration for the fallen, or their loved ones, is in the news almost every day now.

Please allow me to digress for a moment. I approached one of my female colleagues today. She'd been a bit off-ish with me for a while which is most unusual as she's usually kind and friendly. I put it diplomatically during a quiet moment thinking that it might have been something I'd done wrong as a union rep (I'm frequently at odds with people),

"XXXX. I haven't done anything to upset you have I ?"

It all burst forth. She revealed to me that her son is currently deployed with a 'hot' unit in Afghanistan and that she's worried to bits. It showed. I'd been picking up on it. I'm glad I hadn't laced into her for ignoring me.

How can a nation be producing both the very best and the very worst ? It's all very disturbing and I don't understand how anyone can be at ease about this.

Hot for Teacher

2011-11-04T21:25:00.006+11:30

A £25k pension (around national average wage) seems pretty good to me, especially if it comes from having had a career which gives you half the year off. Marking coursework in holidays ? Oh puhleease.

Primary school teaching ? You hardly need a degree to do that. In fact a degree probably gets in the way of the good old common sense needed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PkuTm-ON904

Watch this video of US Governer Chris Christie. It's one of the most blistering rebuttals I've ever heard and our teachers could find themselves at the end of the same sort of tongue lashing if they're not careful... if only we had the politicians to do it.

It must have been a moment where teachers in the State of New Jersey realised what a big mistake they'd made in not supporting austerity measures.

(I do respect our teachers btw. All of Sam and Jake's have been great.)

(H/T Bubble)

The Music Shop

2011-11-02T21:31:00.001+11:30

I was always jealous of music shop owners and how they had access to all the new instruments. It's one of those things that is better in fantasy than in reality.

Phil worked at the big music shop in Exeter before setting up in our small town just over three years ago. We did not expect the shop to last but it has and we're all grateful to have it. He supplies budget to middle range instruments from penny whistles to full drum kits and also text books and manuscripts. He's pitched at the right level and turns over enough business to keep going.

I pop in now and then to teach him stuff in exchange for a mess around on the latest guitars - occaisionally I'll buy something off him but (apart from strings and sundries) it's a very rare event. I asked how he keeps going,

"The town has a vibrant music scene [it has] and is broadly middle-class. Folk will go out to pubs to watch the music and decide to have a go themselves. More often than not they'll give up which is sad. Lack of time I suppose. People are always starting their kids off on music gradings and coming in to buy first instruments - if they can't live their dreams they want their kids to."

Phil does not look relaxed. He's getting geared up for the Christmas rush "We've had many enquiries so we're expecting some customers to come in."

On the back of that hunch he's bought in a rack of instruments to be paid for in 30 days. If he doesn't sell them not only does he make no money, but he ends up having to take out a loan to pay for them. Don't even talk to him about business rates and tax !

This chap's business is a form of gambling and he seems addicted to it. Even when business is brisk he's not making much money from it "I'll never get rich doing this." At stake is his baby - the shop itself. I doubt he and his girlfriend could ever afford the time or the money to have a real baby.

Whatever it is I'm sure this isn't music. I'm sure it's not what he envisaged when he started out.

There are many in business who live like this - one moment to the next. I don't understand why they do it but I'm glad that they do and I don't begrudge paying that little extra for local service rather than getting my stuff off the internet.

Guitars

2011-11-01T11:32:00.009+11:30

I've spent many years cultivating staff in serious guitar shops so that I have a free run of their acoustic rooms where they keep the top end instruments. I have a pretty good familiarity of high standard instruments and how poorly many mid-rangers compare to them. There are, however, two sub £500 acoustic guitars - fairly new to the market - which represent outstanding value.

The Gordon Giltrap Signature (by Vintage - pictured top) and the Tanglewood TW40 O AN E. Both are fitted with Fishman pick-ups (the best.)

The Gordon Giltrap is based on GG's bespoke model designed for him by his own luthier. The Tanglewood is based on a classic Martin OM circa 1940s.

Both offer a professional standard of playability and sound and both look absolutely stunning in the flesh.

I've just bought the Tanglewood because I've always loved imitating Clapton's Unplugged album, most of which was done on an old Martin. I've put some Elixir strings on it and have been unable to put the thing down for two weeks. I shall do a YouTube review on it in the New Year (I'm learning some virtuoso pieces to show it off properly - Foggy Mountain Breakdown and Andy McKee's Drifting)

Do you remember Julian ? The chap who sat in uninvited on one of my restaurant gigs ? How bad do I feel ???

I got talking to him about this great guitar which I was putting money in a jar for. A few days later I get an email from him entitled "Crazy thing !" He'd only gone into the guitar shop and bought it for me. (I have to pay him back in installments of course) What a wonderful and unexpected gesture though.

A thank you card and a decent bottle of red was exchanged for the guitar after I'd let him keep it for a month so I could build a decent deposit and he could get some pleasure out of it.

If you're in the market for an acoustic steel string designed for fingerstyle playing (or know someone who is) then take it from E-K. These two specimens have tone and character which rank easily with top-end guitars in the £2000 bracket and are very special indeed. In fact I wouldn't have thought it possible to achieve this standard at anywhere near this price.

My YouTube The Boxer tutorial video is nearing 13000 hits and is ranked top for that song. The Learn-a-Note sales are beginning to pick up. Good. I need the bloody money.

Bubble

2011-10-27T04:54:00.004+11:30

Alice Cook of Bubble (the economics site) tells us that the Germans will disappear in 200 years owing to falling fertility.

http://ukhousebubble.blogspot.com

Many of her esteemed contributers offered detailed and intelligent explanations. Mine was:

"The problem is simply one of poor elevation. To be blunt, the Krauts can no longer get their wurstchens up. All it needs is a bit of good old German engineering to put right. I suggest they give it some Four Spring Dick Technique."

Good grief. Will I ever learn ???

2011-10-25T21:06:00.000+11:30

I've dunnit again. I went out with a mate last night (my days off Mon and Tues this week) and found that Trad Jazz and Bass bitter most definitely go together, all very more-ish. 7 pints went without a hitch.

I should never have had that kebab on the way home. I shall make a formal complaint to the proprietor about the ill effects of Turkish food.

Death of democracy by a thousand whips

2011-10-24T20:45:00.006+11:30

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Three%20Line%20Whip

Three-line Whip: "... to undermine democracy"

I simply can't stand the sight of David Cameron - so much so that I can't bring myself to publish his image on my blog. He'd use a thousand whips if that's what it took to force the EU project through.

All I have to say about this man is that I told you so.

He's worse than Blair. At least I didn't vote for him.

[Gaddafi ? Big deal. What's the point in blowing money we've had to borrow standing up for democracy in other countries whilst actively suppressing it in our own ?]

Quote of the day

2011-10-23T03:36:00.002+11:30

He once featured on a News at Ten report, bellowing ‘Come out Gaddafi and face the consequences, you bugger!’ across a desert frontline.

Azzud was newsman Richard Pendlebury's driver. He'd been in exile in London and so would speak in a curious Cockney/Tripolian accent. It is not known if he survived.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2051626/Gaddafi-dead-Richard-Pendlebury-day-tyrants-shadow-lifted.html#ixzz1bWjdObqF

Honour

2011-10-19T19:34:00.004+11:30

I was talking to a cafe owner the other day who reported that she'd had to resort to putting pump dispensers for the sauces at the counter instead of bottles at the tables.

"If it isn't screwed down it gets stolen. I wanted to create a civilised atmosphere in here but people can't be trusted and we were losing too much stock." It's a homely little cafe with lace and paintings in it. "We've lost cutlery, place mats, china ... I even caught one chap trying to smuggle his teapot out under his coat."

Last year (when we did our scout AGM and quiz night with food) a good third of the parents didn't bother to pay up and we on the committee ended up covering the costs. We're wiser this year and decided to run it on a ticket basis (£3 for a ploughman's with any spare cash into the club) but no-one has bothered to buy a single ticket to come and support us.

We have 80 kids at our group. Half of the committee's kids (including mine) no longer belong to Scouts and we have no real attachment apart from a sense of "Well who else is going to do it ?"

After four years I'd like to move on to what my own family is doing quite frankly (the sailing club.)

Recently I asked for parents to bring along their darlings to do a day's ground clearance at the hut (no - it should not come down to the scout leaders all the time - they give up two nights a week as it is.)

It ended up just me and one other parent. A day's slog and it was done.

You may recall the big band night we arranged at a hotel and barely anyone turned up to support it. In fact we got more support from bloggers on this site than we did many of the parents ! (Thank You)

As with most groups there is a small caucus of people who will go to the ends to keep things running and that's who I do it for. (I found this to be the same when I was a church volunteer many moons ago - virtually no support when it came to the real graft)

Dave Cameron goes on about the Big Society of volunteers to replace the army of state employees doing stuff which we should be doing for ourselves. He's right. But I think he's underestimated just how infantile, petty and helpless so many of our so-called grown-ups are these days.

This is what an overweening State does to people. It takes away their sense of duty.

Everything is "someone else's job" be it picking up litter, looking after granny, educating kids.

We're going to try again to get support for this year's AGM by sending out yet more letters (this is time consuming and costs heavily in the good will of the committee members.) If support is not forthcoming then members ( by email) have already decided to wind up the committee which means the Scout Group which has existed for 100 years will be wound up too.

Thangs ain't wot they used to be in Baden Powell's day. God help us if ever we have to go to war.

Rowing Club Bash

2011-10-16T21:58:00.002+11:30

I have the mother of all hangovers.

I think I'm about to puke.

The shallower sex ?

2011-10-13T08:29:00.005+11:30

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/breaking-news/columbia-university-economist-pierre-andre-chiappori-finds-overweight-ok-if-youre-rich/story-e6freuyi-1226162472357

A study shows that women will find a fat man attractive so long as his wallet is fat too.

The same study shows that a man will find a fat woman attractive if she is well educated.

Tell us something we don't know. I thought it was just me.

(The Only Way is Essex makes me laugh like a drain. I just don't understand how people so thick can survive, let alone get rich as these do.)

Letter to scum-sucking fraudsters at my old address.

2011-10-11T05:21:00.011+11:30

Long time visitors will be well aware that I was being hounded by debt collecting agencies for £10k of which I knew nothing about. The most overwhelmingly likely explanation is that the people who took over at my old address intercepted my credit card - sent there by mistake - and used my old telephone number to activate it. The authorities will not undertake investigations having cleared my name and good credit rating over a year ago. I sent this letter to my old address a few days ago:

Dear Mr and Mrs Ottawumbi,

We write to warn you of an incident by which our credit card was sent to your address in error and stolen by fraudsters. Because the area was of such good repute - and because we had proven ourselves trustworthy - the card was sent with minimal security and was, therefore, very easily activated.

Sadly standards seem to have fallen since we left the P*** G**** estate. What a shame. It was a lovely community of war heroes until quite recently. These were civilised and honest people whom we'd got to know and we very much doubt they'd know what to make of it all if they were still around.

The card was used on an £8000 spending spree in shops such as Zara, Toys R Us, Reebok, Nike, and all manner of tasteless bling shops, not to mention numerous cash withdrawals to maximum amounts.

We are sure that you'll understand - in view of the high risk of fraud in your area - why we have not included our address nor our signatures in this letter.

Please be on your guard.

Yours most sincerely

K & P

PS, You may think it polite to warn your neighbours of the new security risks, however, you needn't worry about doing so if you don't want to because we've done it for you already.

Well it may be water of a duck's back to them but at least it made me feel better.

Cake Sucking

2011-10-08T11:14:00.000+11:30

H/T Lloydy

Fat Tax

2011-10-06T09:35:00.001+11:30

How bloody typical for the Government to be giving serious consideration to a 'fat tax' because of rising obesity in the UK.

What of those of us who aren't greedy or fat ? Why does the price of our food have to go up to pay for someone else's fat arse ?

This will do nothing for inflation either.

Foxy

2011-10-04T19:13:00.000+11:30

Whatever the truth I wouldn't be happy if one of my boys brought her home.

"This is Foxy. We're going to be married."

Arrrrrgh !

Why we're fucked

2011-10-02T03:38:00.004+11:30

I read an interesting essay today.

Basically top science grads couldn't find work in science and so went into banking. Their minds were put to making complex computer programmes and derivatives so bewildering that even bankers couldn't understand them.

In all this complexity and confusion the movers and shakers are making their moves and their shakes and now all of the world's wealth can be held by a clique of unimaginably wealthy people. Beyond pop star wealth. Beyond Richard Branson wealth. Beyond Arab wealth. Even beyond government wealth. Unimaginable and unaccountable power.

The power of debt over governments.

In fact governments don't count for much at all nowadays. Their people even less. This is why, whichever way you vote, it will make no difference at all.

Enjoy your day !

Quote of the day

2011-09-29T02:38:00.000+11:30

"The reason why the burglary rate has gone down is because the unemployed have already been given bigger TVs than people in work."

A trainee driver with me today.

Ed Miliband.

2011-09-28T08:33:00.001+11:30

"I am my own man !" No you're not. You're just a very silly boy.

Am I the only one who thinks Labour leader Ed Miliband looks and sounds like a Nick Park puppet ?

When is Britain going to get some adults in charge ?

The things kids say

2011-09-27T07:43:00.003+11:30

I watched Stephen Fry's programme on linguistics last night. The episode dealt with childhood development of language and featured some toddlers.

I remember when my twins, Sam and Jake, started to speak. Jake began with single words pointing at every car and saying "Ka !" Sam remained silent for some while.

When Mrs E-K was changing Sam's dirty nappy we heard him speak for the first time,"Eat it !!!" followed by him guffawing with laughter. He'd known full well what he'd said.

He didn't say anything until a few weeks later when Jake was being a pest and making a lot of noise. Mrs E-K said "Jake. Will you stop that noise. I don't like it."

Sam added, "Jeek ! I don't like it either !"

Straight to sentences. We couldn't believe it.

Jake was born three minutes before Sam. During one of many arguments they have had Jake said to Sam, "My life was going alright until you were born !"

I'd driven the boys to my parents in Lincolnshire - they were in their child seats in the back. I pulled up on the drive, applied the handbrake, turned and clapped hands saying "We're heeeeeere !" in my best kid's TV voice. Jake (2 years old) replied,

"Fockin' 'ell !"

Robert De Niro

2011-09-26T05:50:00.004+11:30

Is there a new film that this actor isn't in ???

If a film's script is poor producers use A listers to draw in audiences and I find myself unable to concentrate on the characters. If you cast Robert De Niro in a part all I see is Robert De Niro - this has something to do with the fact that Robert De Niro is the only part Robert De Niro can play ... ditto Al Pacino.

Anyway. I hear De Niro's latest film (I can't be bothered to find out its name - it has Jason Stratham in it) is as shit as all the others he's made over the last fifteen years and I'm glad that audiences the world over are voting with their feet.

He may have improved his bank account but he's cheapened himself.

Are you as fed up with the same old faces, crash-bang-wallop, CGI and formulaic story lines as I am ?

Oh, Stephanie !

2011-09-23T19:21:00.005+11:30

Top Television Totty - BBC Economics Correspondent Stephanie Flanders

A real girl-next-door lovely !

I didn't notice you at first, dahling. Call me. I'll take you to the Casbah ... 01793 217 .... Ciao !!!

Cage Fighting Kids

2011-09-22T20:31:00.009+11:30

A big thing is being made of 10-year-old kids cage fighting at a ticketed event.

Lorraine Kelly has just voiced disgust on her morning TV show. She knows nothing. Nada.

Cage fighting is far less brutal than boxing. The reason is that the opponents don't use fully padded gloves (I shall explain in a minute) and can fight to submission rather than knockout. As far as I'm aware the boys weren't allowed to hit each other to the head anyway.

Cage fights are licensed and fully refereed too. Crowds baying for kids to hit each other are nothing new. I fought at boxing galas full of cigar smoking businessmen when I was twelve.

The reason why boxing is more brutal is that the padded gloves prevent superficial injury and allow fights to go on for much longer. This results in far more jolting of the brain over a longer period of time leading to brain damage commonly seen in boxers. Most of this damage is inflicted during training over years. I know which sort of training I prefered. Ju Jitsu is much more challenging and exhausting but you don't come away from it with a blinding headache.

Despite its poor image (because generally there is more blood) cage fighting requires far more skill and intelligence than boxing and bouts usually end in a submission through a choke or arm bar rather than knockout due to a head shot. As a result the bouts are far shorter in duration and less brutal.

Ironically strikers fair very badly against grapplers and martial artists with mixed discipline. Grapplers think in three dimensions, strikers in two. Boxing is barbaric, stupid and utterly boring to watch in my view. A lithe and intelligent grappler can beat a much larger striker easily.

Teach wayward young kids martial arts with full contact. They'll come to respect the uncompromising discipline and their instructors. They'll learn the correct and controlled context in which to use their skills and some proper self respect. We could easily produce some of the best fighters in the world.

This will make things worse ?

I beg to differ. They've already gone to knives and guns and this will be a long step back from that.

Lorraine Kelly. She kno' nuuuuuthing. Just as you see something that makes you think 'Thank God there are some kids being introduced to a discipline with some rigour.' she pops up to spout her suffocating mother hen drivel. Soft heads like her are part of the problem and not the cure.

Here's some cage fighting from the legendary Royce Gracie of the marvelous Brazilian Ju Jitsu system. A modest man of few words he took the martial arts world by storm when the first no-rule, all comer fight contests took place in the '90s. If you missed this then you probably missed the greatest era in fighting sport history. Some gobshites and egos got their pants pulled down and they didn't know what had hit them. Not that Gracie has to do very much hitting - usually just a dig here or their to force a release or destraction.

Neither Ali nor Foreman would have stood a chance without years of further training. I'm absolutely serious about that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWCZTbLtO3U&feature=related

Dale Farm

2011-09-21T19:35:00.004+11:30

From what I am reading it would appear that the 'travellers' at Dale Farm are going to be allowed to stay because of a botch up in the council's eviction procedures. This issue is fast becoming a cause celebre with the professional protesters and celebrities on the Left.

Britain is being unpicked by minority groups with disproportionate influence, disproportionate say and disproportionate power. I say this as much for Green Peace preventing us from building power stations as I do middle class NIMBYs preventing road and rail improvements because of a campaign to save the Lesser Spotted Moth.

But back to the travellers at Dale Farm. The real issue here is that - by building without planning permission - they've breached planning law in a big way. They are demanding a suspension of law in their favour to the exclusion of the rest of us. This should - if upheld - clear the way for law suits from everyone who is prosecuted for planning breaches on the grounds of discrimination. A recipe for anarchy.

Do the Dale Farm travellers have a fair claim ? Do they deserve to be able to make a mockery of our laws as they do ?

No-one in the broadcast media has yet had the guts to ask the Dale Farm residents what it is they do for a living or where they get money for some fabulous cars and caravans, whether rumours about them owning substantial amounts of property in Ireland are true, how much tax they pay, how much in benefits they claim or how much crime they commit.

Why are they no longer in Ireland ?

Perhaps the broadcast media don't wish to know the answers to any of these questions. This might spoil the image that the Left have cultivated of the travellers being the innocent and helpless victims of the stereotypically pedantic and oppressive English official.

Above all else why are they called travellers if they've been staying in one spot for over ten years ?

A spot of DIY life saving

2011-09-20T19:40:00.008+11:30

A guy collapsed into me on a train I'd been driving last night - he was having an epileptic seizure. I lowered him gently on to his side and kept observations on his breathing. His mouth was full of blood and foam and he was chomping at his tongue. It transpires that he'd had a fit earlier that day and is why his tongue was so grotesquely swollen - like a big grey slug.

It must have blocked his airway and I noticed he'd turned blue for a while. He didn't seen to have a pulse either. With another passenger I got him on his back and we both commenced CPR, I managed to clear an airway - just. Thankfully he spluttered into life on the first cycle and he turned from grey-blue to a reassuring pink.

He was coming round on the stretcher when the ambulance crew took him away. I hope he's not brain damaged.

I'm going to have to have checks for hepatitis.

I don't want to go into too much detail, but when someone's really on the way out in front of you it isn't as easy as you'd think to make pragmatic judgements about them.

(During my time in the police the casualties were either breathing or deeeeead ! I never had cause to use CPR.)

Lovely

2011-09-19T20:10:00.014+11:30

I don't know who this heartbreakingly beautiful lady is. Just an amateur who came up when I was checking on my YouTube videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvWgQcEY85A&feature=related

I'm sure you chaps will agree that she's got something special about her. Absolutely gorgeous and a nice rendition too. Good playing.

My tutorial on The Boxer (Paul Simon) has taken top slot and is now racing ahead in viewings. Nobody seems to be looking at my Learn-a-Note product though.

Tuition videos seem to be the way for me to go but how to get to people who are interested in reading music ? I can see that I'm going to have to post tutorials on scales.

BOOOOORING !!!

The Learn-a-Note device does work and my student (Jake) got awarded a merit in his ABRSM* exam. My only qualification to teach is that I'm a student of the ABRSM myself - taking grade 8 next summer if all goes well.

Gig wise I'm booked as far as next Valentine's day. I have two venues that I like a lot and they seem to like me. I can walk to one and the other is a short drive away. That's all I need. Mrs E-K is happy because she gets to eat out in nice restaurants a lot on the back of this arrangement.

Win win.

*Associated Board of the Royal School of Music

PS - Getting a new steel string guitar soon. It's a lovely Martin replica and I'm saving for it at the moment. I'll do a video when I've bought it as I play top end Martins and Gibsons a lot and this is better than the real Martins and a quarter of the price ! Steel string is where I started and I've a hankering to go back. I've an urge to include Foggy Mountain Breakdown and Andy McKee's Drifting in my set.

Yew Ess AA+

2011-09-15T23:33:00.004+11:30

I don't know about you, but if my kids dropped grades from AAA to AA+ I'd still be thrilled with their position at school.

So what's the problem with the USA dropping its credit rating a bit ?

You might notice that they can still borrow money on the cheap. This might have something to do with the fact that they've got 10 battle fleets at the ready, masses of space technology, land, minerals, oil ...

To the world their money is still real enough. We in Europe seem to be trading with money which appears to be as fake as the stacks on a Monopoly board. Without the tangible supremacy of the US you can bet that our terms of repayment won't be any where near as generous should we ever lose our AAA.

I suppose that's what the ensuing global shake out is going to find out. Who's the real deal and who isn't. Who's got the minerals to back up their currency and who hasn't.

We could end up owned by the Chinese before we get owned by the EU. Who'da thunk it ??? At least America can shrug off any attempt to be owned but I don't think that we can.

Back to School

2011-09-10T22:55:00.008+11:30

The boys are back to school. They arrived at the railway station and the new intake were there - poor little mites. Bags on their backs bigger than they are - afraid and uncertain, like a cross between a diaspora of persecuted Jews and a pod of turtles being jostled around in an undertow (pod ?) Was it really two years ago when Sam and Jake (twins) started at the grammar looking so small and vulnurable ?

Mrs E-K asked if they'd help the young-uns with their bags

"Fffffff ..."

"Don't - you - dare !" Mum's Paddington Bear hard stare and warning finger like an angry Imam

It turns out that the young-uns don't get helped with their bags at all. In fact they get 'cabbaged'. Allow me to explain:

When young-un isn't looking their bag is emptied, then turned inside out and then repacked and zipped up again. Apparently this causes much inconvenience to the victim and hilarity among the Year 8s.

"You've been cabbaged."

There is another game which the boys (now becoming sexually aware) play:

That's Your Wife.

They play this on the mini bus on the way to sports events. Each must have a go and the woman who appears around the next corner is the one they are going to marry - no matter how old or how ugly.

It amazes me how many good looking associates of mine seem to have played this one for real !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71kN2JbPGZc&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Comment for John Redwood

2011-09-09T12:46:00.003+11:30

£43m to police the Notting Hill Carnival ? An interesting comparison might be the pro-rata policing costs for the Reading Festival which took place that weekend [ where there was a mind blowing act like this young chap http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buAzVkcH4YI ]

We know that there had been the riots a few weeks earlier but this was nothing to do with the Afro/Carribean community as you’ve already correctly stated. So why the disproportionate policing costs at their headline event ?

Also

Might we ask how many criminals who were banged up in prison at the time were involved in the rioting ?

It may seem like a stupid question but then I feel that certain people are being wilfully obtuse and disingenuous about the penal system.

I can make a tenuous link with the economy if you like.

The odds are quite high that we will experience an economic depression.

We – The People – can handle it. But only if good law and order is in place and property and life is protected.

E-K Proudly presents ...

2011-09-07T10:45:00.000+11:30

The Rubberbandits

They were a great diversion from the serious stuff at the Reading Festival.

Moral Cowell-dice

2011-09-06T19:56:00.011+11:30

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/8743686/ITV-under-pressure-to-strip-Red-or-Black-winner-of-his-1m.html

One of the first million-pound winners on a new Cowell game show turns out to be a thug convicted of violent crime. Nathan Hageman had stated to producers that his five-year prison sentence [Wow ! That must have been some violence.] was for assaulting a boyfriend of his ex partner; Hageman alleged that he'd been provoked by him.

No-one believed his story in view of that weighty sentence surely ?

It has since transpired that Hageman's rather murky account is a lie and that he was actually convicted for beating up his girlfriend and not a man at all. Not that the moral outrage in these days of sex equality should be any different for beating up a bloke. (For some reason it is. I digress.)

My point is this:

TV presenters have not even bothered to ask Hageman if he's sorry for what he's done. They've not ventured to ask him if he'll be giving a substantial amount of the winnings to his victim either. They are just happy to accept his claim that he's trying to put it all behind him and trying to make a clean start after 'paying his dues' (his term reduced by half by judges on the quiet I might add.)

So. No contrition expressed by Hageman. No recompense to his victim which now turns out to be a girl. And yet Richard Schofield et al agree and nod sympathetically when he says "I deserve a second chance." and that the press should stop hounding him.

Well no. He doesn't deserve that sort of chance. Not the chance to deny a decent, law-abiding person their place to compete for large prize money on TV. By 'second chance' we mean for him to be afforded the generous opportunity to learn a new skill, contribute to society and to work honestly for a living.

I hope he gets stripped of his prize money.

Otherwise ITV is yet another part of our establishment saying that there is equivalence between an unrepentant thug and the rest of us.

Equivalence is the reason why the legal establishment remains neutral until it's too late and squelches like liver when pressed to act against the guilty. Hageman should still be in prison if his sentence meant anything.

(Statistically you are more likely to be a victim of violence in Britain if you are male. Males hurt too. What makes anyone think they are more qualified to defend themselves of withstand physical onslaught any more than women ?)

Wastwater YHA

2011-09-04T08:14:00.014+11:30

Things just ain't wot they used to be. We stayed at Wastwater YHA in a family room for our assault on Scafell Pike (the highest peak in England.)

Wow ! How things have changed.

£60 per night for a family room. A fully licensed bar. Meals at a pricey £8 per head but utterly superb, served at the table and with no washing up afterwards. Not a youth is sight though. All of the other residents were over fifty. Most of them were Metropolitan police officers and it was a bit like being back at the Section House in my police days - except slightly subdued with the collective experience of debt, divorce, lumbago, athlete's foot, hemorrhoids and wrinkles.

The staff were wonderful and I loved the hostel but is the YHA being true to its youth ? I don't know. All I can say is that it's still school holidays and there were no youth there.

I got my love of the outdoors from my time as a school kid youth hosteling with IB and those school teachers brave enough and kind enough to take our year group. I remember in those days that the food was nutritional but bland (and very cheap) and that we had to do everything but cook for ourselves. The rooms cost the equivalent of a few pounds a night. I adored everything about it and still do. It seems that the YHA have followed the desires of my age group rather than young people.

We climbed Scafell Pike in 10 m visibility with a 4 mile hike before and after. Not so much as a gripe or groan from the boys. They did really well. My boys have learned early on that there is nothing so comfortable as a YHA bed after nine hours of strenuous hiking.

The 'holiday' has come to an end and much of it included long distance train travel to various events and to the Lake District which is as far north as I'd like to get. Every train was to time and we got seated at a table on every trip. I've spent much more on foreign holidays and had an awful time. The past couple of weeks have been fantastic. Britain still has a hell of a lot to offer tourists.

I'm looking forward to getting back to work now. I'm lucky enough to enjoy my job, the people I work with and the beautiful scenery that is my work environment. I feel much better having had regular sleeping patterns for a couple of weeks though. That I will miss.

Reading Festival

2011-08-31T04:31:00.004+11:30

A fantastic event. The weather was dry and we saw some great bands. I worry for the lead singer of Cage the Elephant - a Kurt Kobain double, smacked out of his head and crowd surfing so much that they couldn't get him back to the stage at one point.

A surprise gig was The Rubberbandits. An 'Irish' pikie trio wearing plastic bags on their heads with painted faces singing Irish ditties to rave music.

You kin feck yer Lamborgine - Oi git ay horse owt-soid
You kin feck yer Aston Martin - Oi git ay horse owt-soid
You kin feck yer Masseratti - Oi git ay horse owt-soid
Baby you kin roid me - Oi git ay horse owt-soid

Super funny with the whole crowd joining in and finger-pointing to the stage.

And then "Kin we have a rind of applaaaause for dem tits !" directed towards a young lassie lifting her vest whilst straddled atop a pair of the broadest shoulders.

The Kurt Kobain tribute video was haunting - a replay of their '92 headliner at Reading. He wore a white smock which gave the video a ghostly feel. It was most eerie as the crowd were treating it as a live performance.

Elbow were sublime. Much better live than on TV or CD. Exquisitely detailed arrangements with orchestra. The setting sun gave us the perfect atmosphere and then ... and then ...

Muse.

I'll say no more than this is rock history being made. The park was turned into one gigantic mosh pit. Bellamy takes it all to a new level. He trashed the bass drum and two bespoke Manson guitars on stage - at 5k a pop he probably doubled their value. Not many guitarists are qualified to do that. I believe that the statement he is making (though he would never say it) is "I am better than Hendrix"

And he is.

MUCH better.

Stay loyal to old bands by all means - but don't get stuck in a time warp, whatever you do.

Stomp

2011-08-26T20:59:00.002+11:30

We went to London to see War Horse yesterday but couldn't get matinee tickets. We had a contingency plan of course and that was to see Stomp. I have been wanting to see this show for years. We were not disappointed.

Utterly amazing. Not one proper instrument used throughout the show. Barely a word uttered between the cast - just great percussion, slapstick and dancing throughout.

Highly recommended.

Now looking forward to seeing a Pink Floyd tribute on Saturday and then MUSE at Reading on Sunday.

Update

2011-08-25T17:34:00.002+11:30

Planet of the Apes - OK.

Super 8 - A bit krap.

Both rely more on CGI crash-bang-wallop and formulaic script than decent plot. At least neither has Tom Cruise or Robert DeNiro in it.

Interval

2011-08-20T16:04:00.001+11:30

I shall be taking a couple of weeks off from blogging due to family holiday. We're staying at home but plan some trips including an assault on Scafell Pike in the Lake district (staying in a youth hostel) and the Reading Music Festival (hotel booked, so no tenting or battle for the train.) We also intend to cash in a pile of food vouchers that I've accumulated from playing guitar in various great restaurants around here.

Depending on the weather we may go camping but otherwise there'll be lots of pitch & putt, some cinema going (looking forward to Super 8 and Planet of the Apes), walking, kayaking, beaching, day trips to London museums using our free travel pass, Scrabble, BBQs and perhaps a short dinghy sailing course thrown in.

Spotted a cracking guitar I like the look of too. Best keep on the right side of Mrs E-K for a while if I want to get that !

Anyway. I hope to see you all when I 'get back'.

Best wishes

E-K

The rise of the Potato Heads

2011-08-19T12:44:00.020+11:30

I was at a chip shop in Penzance today and asked the manageress if business had been good."Three weeks an' they'll all be off 'ome again. Thank God !"

"What ? You mean you're not glad of the extra business ?"

"No. I hate 'em. They're all so rude an' 'orrible. Manners cost nuthin' an' I can do without business loik that. Cornwall for the Cornish, I say." And for a business woman operating in one of the most economically depressed areas that is saying something.

We had a glimpse of the type she's talking about during the recent riots. Fat white guys, many of them grotesquely tattooed and pumped on steroids chanting "Inger-lund, Inger-lund, Inger-lund ..." whilst charging around mob handed in defence of "Inger-lund" with their faces contorted in permanent, Wayne Rooney-esque rage. The Potato Heads were on the right side of the law but only just and behaved without the quiet dignity of Sikhs and Muslims guarding their temples and mosques.

I call these semi-skilled white chaps the Potato Heads because of their large, bald heads which are often shaved. You've probably had close encounters with one or two of them driving too close to your bumper on motorways. These are quick to anger and are the ones who are going to cause major problems when they lose their white-van and scaffolding jobs in the coming double-dip and find that there's no dole money left in the pot for them and that all the spare council dwellings have been taken by asylum seekers.

Oh for the calmness of Mr Tariq Jahan. I truly believe that England owes him a great debt and were it not for him we'd be in a race war right now.

I'm an atheist but I'm coming to realise that the only way to control economically dispossessed people is through the illogic of religion. It creates peace and contentment where there should - by all other reason - be only war. Perhaps we should look to the middle east and -instead of wondering why there has been so much conflict - wonder why there has been so little in view of the poverty in those regions. We may have a renewed need of religion in a prolonged economic downturn and I think Christianity has shat out.

The Muslim and Sikh communities showed more steadfastness, grace and order than many of our own. The CofE has been silent on these riots and we can bet what wishy-washy claptrap they're going to come out with when they do speak. Abrogation of duty by Guardian reading clergy has been as much at the heart of England's demise as any other institution.

Perhaps the advance of Islam is not such a bad thing. Perhaps we can steer it in the right direction and make a moderate British version. It has flaws which need ironing out but it offers us unity, clarity in purpose, order, sobriety, morality, modesty, loyalty, a good work ethic and justice (in all of these areas British culture has failed) Islam promotes traditional family values and reinstates manliness in the version of the strong but gentle Mr Jahan.

In any case it's too strident and established to resist now. Above all else it was the Left (in their hatred of Britishness) who caused it to become so well established and so it would be utterly delicious to see them hung by their own petard - every one of their pet subjects banned in the name of religion of all things; especially feminism which has belittled everything men do for too long now.

I'm at the frustrating stage in life where I still like to look at women but they have zero interest in me and it would be a mercy if they were dressed more modestly too. I've become weary of the power that even a munter can wield over me by merely wearing a push-up bra and some red lippy.

What's not to like about Islam ? Apart from the odd suicide bombing and beheading of course.

The quicker we get back to being a mono-culture the better and I don't much care which one to be honest - so long as it's not Gangsta and it's not Potato Head.

Fingers: Bogans breed like rats if you feed them. Do not let this happen in Australia.

'Quality' Papers ?

2011-08-18T06:39:00.007+11:30

The advert promised us 'news without the opinion' for 20p. Well I read it yesterday and there was plenty of opinion and in it. So much for Dom Jolly (not very) looking stern and a tad annoyed that any journal should seek to pollute his superior and independent mind. They even referred to some Government policies as being a bit Daily Mail and the hit-looters-hard instinct was described as 'simplistic'.

'Simplistic' is used in the pejorative.The Left tends to like complex solutions - the delays involved tend to favour the status quo and preserve 50 years of their efforts.

The comedians went further on Radio 4 in pillorying the common man, "I know. I need an opinion. I don't have my own opinion on this subject so I'll go into a newsagent and buy a tabloid paper and get one.[shuffle of paper] Ah. That's it. There's my opinion."

Isn't this country full of clever dicks ?

The truth is that the vast majority of us are not educated or informed enough to distill raw news and form our own opinion from it - least of all Dom Jolly or Jemima Khan. We tend to pick our papers in alignment with our own agendas and political instincts and then plagiarise the opinions of those who are properly educated in those fields. Rightly so. It's just that some of us aren't too snobby to admit it.

Also. I'd bet you your house against mine that I could take clippings of polemicists from any Right/Left leaning paper (removing the commenters' names of course) and so long as they were grouped in the correct side of the political spectrum you wouldn't be able to tell whether they were tabloid or quality.

PS, I have never heard anything so patronising and condescending as the tone of some of the presenters on Radio 4 - especially on environmental programmes. How do they get away with such bias and brain washing when the tabloids are villified for it ?

A reply to your comment on the previous post, Ranter.

Night Duty Patrol Van

2011-08-15T04:57:00.005+11:30

When I was serving as a police officer our division had a night duty patrol van which would carry about six of us all night long. We'd respond quickly to incidents, cherry picking work off of the Metropolitan Police's Area 1 (North London quadrant) radio.

Us City boys - as well as being tall - were renowned for being gentlemanly and fair. Rumour had it that one of the other groups had gone out on patrol in the van on a very quiet night and had taken pity on a couple of Met officers pounding their beats. They took them on board and continued to patrol.

The radio operator on the van had spotted a couple of oiks with spray cans defacing a building. The Mets said "It's OK. We'll deal with this as you've been so kind as to give us some warmth."

They jumped out of the van and were seen to give chase. A short while later they returned on their own.

"Where are the prisoners ?" Asked the radio operator

"What prisoners ?" answered the Mets whilst dusting their knuckles.

Those who are dismayed that the police didn't deal out some beatings during the recent riots are missing the vital point about the proliferation of CCTV, mobile phone and television cameras. They simply can't mete this kind of summary justice out without risk of being dismissed or imprisoned.

Things worked a lot better in the old days. There may have been miscarriages of justice but at least the country wasn't falling apart.

PS, It seems that we've already degenerated into blame-shifting. The Government taking on the police about their tactics and historian David Starkey being roundly pilloried by public figures for daring to make the obvious connection between black gangster culture and its influence on white boys' behaviour.

Still none of them get it.

An economic tsunami is about to engulf us. The 'Right' wing view is being totally unrepresented and the white working class are foaming at the mouth for this to be dealt with. Culturally fragmented Britain will not cope if the potato heads kick off because they've lost their scaffolding and driving jobs.

Guest post from Snoop doggy DArcus Bernie Lee Jasper! (A response to my theory on the corrosiveness of Rap Culture and its effect on all races)

2011-08-13T22:29:00.014+11:30

Wha' yoo sayin EEEEEE-Kay I dont know nuffink bout all dat and ting, (big tooth sucking noise) dem wiggas get me vexed fo sure innit, all dem white bois an ting playign tupac and da snoop ya feel me aight? Like do ovva night I was taken by da Five Oh and been booked in down at ccentrl booking in Plumstead innit when a white boi in all dat propah gear man, all da prison sock hat and ting 'im com in on de desk next to me, boi him a fool fo sure and he start giving me it all bro dis and bro dat and I say '(big tooth sucking noise) FOOL< whea you born innit? Kingston Jamaica? No, (big teeth suck) then I say, weah? Watts, Baltimore, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-it, shit the fuck up man, you a white batty boi so don' go all bruvvah on me and dat, (teeth sucking fllowed by - Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-it. Ya feel me?

E-K Replies: T'anks Bro' - Me needs ta chillax abit. Me feel ya. Me feel ya. (Nods sagely) Dems wiggas got nuttin' fo' us but dem sweet sistas. Arks dem honkeys wheas dey been an' dey says "I's got jacksed by dem Feds. I's bin in da Pen !"

Ah says, "Nah, Guy. I mean ... wheas yo' weally bin"

An' 'e says "Guy. Ah left it nixt ta all da papers an' tings which ah sorted ta' save da inviro'ment innit !"

I swears it. (Burst into wide grin and high-fives) He he he he he !

(Snoop is booked for Glastonbury 2013 - that's if we're still here.)

Rap Culture (AKA The Elephant in the Room)

2011-08-13T02:02:00.000+11:30

A potted history of Rap Culture in Britain:

- War veterans declined to drive buses for a pittance

- the government (rather than raise those wages) imported more working class to keep wages low

- the government (undervaluing the indiginous working class) did not insist that the newcomers followed our culture

- some of the second generation of incomers looked to New York America for style and role models rather than here

- then they adopted rap music about 30 years ago (a mind poisoning substance)

- in the name of equality the educational and behavioral standards of nearly all working class teenagers were brought down to the Rap Culture denominator

Rap Culture is at the heart of these problems. Mysoginistic. Polygamistic (?). Racialist. Violent. Hate filled. Limiting. Mind numbing. Drug fueled.

When you look at the white looters they are dressed and behave just like Rap fans.

Until this is tackled things aren't going to get better.

The Elephant in the Room

2011-08-12T00:32:00.010+11:30

Japan - a tsunami, an earthquake, reactor meltdown ... after the mother of all economic recessions.

No. Rioting or looting. A country pulls together.

New Zealand - Christchurch raised to the ground by earthquake.

No Rioting or looting. A country pulls together.

Australia - A city devastated by flood.

No Rioting or looting. A country pulls together.

New Orleans - Flooding.

Civilisation in that area collapses. Rape, rioting, murder, looting. The surrounding civilisation comes to the rescue.

Britain 1940s - Cities bombed to destruction by the Germans, bankrupted by the Americans, brought to starvation by the U Boats.

Our country pulls together. Our nation's finest hour.

Britain post welfare and immigration revolution - Tories threaten to change welfare (the cause of unrest according to the Left.)

Civilisation brought to the brink. Rioting, murder, looting. Virtual civil war threatened between Muslims and blacks in the Midlands after a multiple racial killing of 3 Muslims by a black man.

Africa - one great war zone and area of devastation with the odd pocket of civilisation.

The country has never really pulled together.
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-
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What is this 'Elephant in the room' that I keep reading on the serious political blogs ? Lots of people are using it. In real life virtually everyone is saying it. Those involved in the rioting that aren't 'elephants in the room' are behaving like elephants in the room. Dressing like, acting like, listening to the same music like ...

Never has one 'culture' caused so much trouble within free society.

A way forward.

2011-08-11T10:03:00.004+11:30

The recent riots have been nothing but unifying when it comes to other, more integrated, cultures. Asians, white English, Turks ... all sharing disgust and standing shoulder-to-shoulder in defence of their neighbourhoods and businesses.

Hundreds coming out to stand in support of the police and prepared to use violence against looters. This is encouraging. We shouldn't care how the streets are reclaimed as much as that they are reclaimed.

There's nothing better than the risk of a proper shit-kicking to focus the minds of these scum bags - that's something the police can't provide but that the people most certainly can... and will. One thing the Brits are good at is a ruck.

Ministers and police chiefs do not have the luxury of being able to look this gift horse in the mouth - not unless they want to find themselves turfed out of office. They should remember that they are there only by consent of the people.

"Are these middle-class gangs any better than looters ?" asks the Police Federation Chief without hint of irony.

That he's asked this question is why we've reached this sorry pass. The 'authorities' really have taken their impartiality to a worrying degree and we've noticed it for some while now.

Lawlessness

2011-08-10T08:35:00.030+11:30

Watching kitted up London police officers standing by impotent and terrified as black youths rampaged nearby was true testament as to how 30 years of Political Correctness had neutered our forces of law and order. These criminals are basically free to do what they want, where they want. We've known this has been so for decades now - we'd heard of estates where the rule of law had completely broken down and the police had abandoned the innocent to their fate; the only difference is that most of us had never seen it for ourselves or been exposed to it and certainly not on this scale and on our TV screens.

This is truly terrifying. A civilisation in crisis by its own hand. It has been in crisis for some while now but most didn't yet believe it and people in 'nice' areas thought they were safe. The Met Police has become the most powerful enforcer and adherent of Political Correctness in the land and its rank-&-file the unwitting agents of this insidious phenomena - they are infected with it. It renders them unable to move their arms or legs properly or to act in a rational way when a certain section of the 'community' cries 'racism !' and decides that it's going to start taking whatever it wants.

People have been scared to stand up to wayward black youth for years now. Not just because of their physicality and aggression but because the Met Police are brainwashed into regarding them with some curious reverence. If you survive taking on 'da yout' ' then you risk facing the police too. It's got to the point that it takes 16000 police to control a few hundred wayward black boys, but woe betide any white man who - understandably - loses his temper and says the ~~right~~ wrong thing in London before a television camera while these riots go on.

The British police are worse than useless - they have become an impediment to law enforcement; the whole world has seen it and started to vote with its feet on the value of Sterling and begun to ask if North London is a safe venue for the Olympics. At times it even looked like the police were merely facilitating the 'shopping with violence' mob - trying to keep it as orderly as possible like marshalls at an Ikea sale in a rough area.

Notting Hill ~~Riots~~ Carnival in three weeks should be interesting. This joyous event is usually deemed a success if only a hundred are arrested and two people murdered - and that's under ordinary circumstances. At best it's going to cost Londoners tens of millions in extra policing at a time when we're sacking nurses.

2012 security will have to dwarf those costs now. We simply can't afford this.

London's Burning

2011-08-09T08:28:00.011+11:30

I'm hardly surprised at events unfolding across London in recent nights. It's the nightmare scenario I'd envisaged and decided to remove my family from. I'd agree that I'd grown rather too paranoid and that London is vast and that this will be absorbed without most people seeing any of it.

My forsight was borne of pretty obvious indicators - I worked the twilight shifts as a police officer and an inner London train driver over a period of twenty years. I always felt that civilisation within our capital was fragile and sensed a certain menace in various areas at different times. That more violence doesn't happened has been down to 'sensative' policing and the adaptation of personal behaviour among the denizens of London - avoiding eye contact, confrontation and keeping away from certain areas after dark (or in the day !)

No doubt the present upheavals (all over London and spreading to other cities) are a phase which will pass but I'm glad that I took my family far away from it all. The explosive areas are much more numerous and widespread than they were in the riots of the '80s such has been the impact of mass immigration during the Blair years in the '90s and onwards.

Why did cultural breakdown happen in Britain which was once known (within my lifetime) as the most civilised of countries ever to have existed ?

The ruling middle class hated the aspirant working class that much that it imported more working class whilst - at the same time - debasing British culture and education.

The recent riots began under the usual pretext of racialism and harassment after a black gangster called Duggan was shot by police. Whatever the rumours, Duggan was armed with an illegally held firearm when he was shot by a special squad of police officers set up to tackle black-on-black murders running at a rate of two a week in London alone. (It would be a lot more if not for the excellent NHS casualty service throughout the city)

The riots are just an outbreak of underlying crime that has been going on for years and hidden within massaged statistics and reporting for fear of alienating young black men.

Where do we go from here ? I don't know. Surely they can't blame the 'racist' police or us for this ???

I truly think that Britain is screwed in so many ways

Politician "Ah. There's a lot more right with Britain than there is wrong with it."

Well let's wait and see if that's true when the money's run out.

Shit bags

2011-08-06T11:24:00.010+11:30

It has been some years since it became illegal to leave your dog mess in the street. A good idea. This spawned special bins for doggy doo-doos and dog walkers carrying plastic bags in which to pick up their dog turds.

Oh dear. They didn't factor in the IQ of the average Brit nowadays, did they !

Now we have knotted bags full of dog shit left on the pavements instead. Derrr ... which part of "Put in bin" don't these semi-literate fucktards get ? As a result, my great great great grandchildren will have a chance of stepping in a pile of perfectly preserved poo lain in a non-degradable bag yesterday.

Some people don't deserve to be alive.

Another thing peeing me off is "Britain is now a nation of litter louts." Nope. Britain has a minority of litter louts spoiling things for everyone else otherwise, if we were all doing it, we'd be up to our necks in detritus. Part of the problem is that the police and courts no longer view it as their job to enforce litter law and adults dare not admonish children (the main culprits judging by the sweetie packets everywhere) for fear of being beaten up by either them or their parents.

Minority scum win yet again. They have made British streets something to be utterly ashamed of. The likes of Jeremy Paxman are at pains to make sure that "Everyone is guilty of doing it." which is a blatant distortion of the truth. They will never admit that it's their policies which have caused all this.

As usual the Tories are nowhere to be seen in defence of the majority or to point their fingers at the true perps.

Where does one sign up for the Divisional Death Squad ??? I'll do it for no pay and will gladly post photos of the bodies on this site.

Joke

2011-07-31T22:30:00.002+11:30

Wife returns home after a hen weekend, hubby has given the kids industrial grade laxative.

"Why the hell did you give the kids industrial grade laxative ???"

"Because they were coughing."

"What a stupid thing to do."

"Not really. They've been quiet ever since."

"Wow. What a clever man to know that industrial grade laxative also cures other illnesses."

"Well actually it doesn't cure other illnesses. It just means that now they're too scared to cough !"

The Fag's the Star

2011-07-28T18:29:00.002+11:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJWav-thOE4&feature=related

"We're going to make it big in the music business."

"Yeah. We know. You and the rest of our band were born to it."

"We got the image. A look of total entitlement."

"Yup. The punters will lap it up. We'll end up masters of huge crowds at Glasto."

"What type of band we gonna be ???"

"Dunno. Sumfink that's easy to learn. Like jangly sixty Mod stuff."

"I got the gimmick to go wiv that."

"Wassat den ?"

"Half smoked fag 'angin' out me gob."

"Yeah. Dat shud work shoul'n't it !"

"Yeah. Dat an' gettin' doped up. Coool. Dat's all the talent we need."

"Yeah. Cool."

"One fing"

"Wassat ?"

"Better write some forgettable songs to tack on to the whole shebang - like the one linked above"

Babyshambles. Having Googled Pete Doherty's band I find them to be the total shite that I always imagined them to be. More King's clothes than King's Road.

2011-07-26T19:49:00.020+11:30

The smell must have been horrendous.

Can we stop saying - just because someone had a distinct, gravelly, voice or could play a few deft guitar scales after they'd doped themselves into oblivion - that they were a 'genius' ?

Undeniably cool but certainly not genius.

Heavy drinking and drug taking aren't a prerequisite to genius. Especially so if you're not a genius before you take them - it's most dangerous to suggest to young people that it's otherwise. Unfortunately it has been suggested and, as a result, our A&E departments are busy at weekends with 'geniuses' who think they're cleverer than the young doctors and nurses treating them - evidently so by the way they speak to them.

Amy should not be a role model nor her resting place a shrine to 'flawed genius' nor - with similar allure to the young - 'victimhood.' The simple thruth that she was none of those things. She had a fair talent, made her choices and they were the wrong ones - that should be all there is to this story.

In truth the musical side of Amy has been gone for a good few years now. Did you miss her ? Name one of her songs that wasn't about rehab.

Exactly.

Cocky

2011-07-23T18:56:00.006+11:30

I couldn't find a picture of Nicole Kidman with one eyebrow raised but she does it a lot. So does David Beckham ...

(No matter how good I got at something I just wouldn't have the nerve to walk around like it)

and Kylie ...

So what came first ? Was the success because they were the type to walk around with one eyebrow raised ? Or is the eyebrow raised because of their success ? One thing's for sure and that's that you or I wouldn't get away with it.

Another question: Are rugby players selected because they have square chins ? Or to they develop square chins because they are rugby players ?

Most of what we are - or what we aren't - is in our genes. No amount of trying will change that but our advertising and magazine culture is dedicated to convincing us that it can.

Arseholes

2011-07-22T02:56:00.004+11:30

I listen to Radio 4 a lot. I like it but I've lost count of the amount of times I've nearly crashed the car listening to some of the tosh they come out with.

I want to give you an example of the sort of shite these 'clever' people espouse - in this case in relation to environmental issues.

One programme was along these lines:

"How do we get little Johnny to make sure he turns the lights off around the house ?"

The conclusion ?

"We devise a computer game that he can play on his Xbox called 'Save the Planet'. The idea of the game is that he can accrue bonuses and and virtual prizes for reducing carbon emissions. Thusly he becomes educated in energy reduction."

For starters Little Johnny (if he's like my boys) only like games which involve a lot of destruction with high power weapons and the gruesome splattering of Nazi zombies.

I've a more effective idea. Deduct 20p from Little Johnny's pocket money each time a light is found switched on. We do that with our boys and mightily effective it is too:

"But Dad ! I didn't even leave the light on." And in truth he probably didn't,

"Tough shit, Son. It wasn't me that forgot to take the pill but that still doesn't excuse me from having to buy your food."

Yesterday I was listening to Radio 4 about how to make 'average family' into 'zero carbon family' (Hitler was decades ahead on this one, actually.)

"First we must take out all the luxury electrical appliances, replace the freezer with a small ice box, put in a smart meter so that only one appliance can be used at a time, take away the car, the plasma TV, limit heating to one room ... move grandad in so that his costs are cut and so that he can grow the food that can no longer be stored in deep freeze ... faffa-va ...faffa-va ... faffa-va ... Dad can go to work by means of a combination of electric bicycle and bus, he he hee he .... faffa-va ..."

In other words - make 'average family' into '1940s family'.

Yup. I can just see the masses lapping that one up.

Here are some simpler solutions for reducing our carbon output in da YooKay:

- Stop making credit so cheap. Then people won't be able to buy what they haven't earned
- Cut back drastically on immigration - less people less carbon emissions
- Stop Radio 4 presenters talking out of their arses

Simples.

But it won't happen. This country is fucked because it has Radio 4 and Guardian types in charge of it. Thick, hypocritical, over-promoted and over-privileged twats who haven't the first clue about anything apart from telling other people how they should think.

Stunning

2011-07-21T03:24:00.011+11:30

This is the best guitar I've ever played. Unoquivocally, undeniably and unutterably. Yes - the one pictured at the bottom of this post. This very one (photo taken from the owner's website) It's a Gibson J-45. Made in the USA in 1946.

It has no truss rod. Gibson relied on pure craftsmanship to keep the neck true rather than rely on a truss rod as metal was in short supply because of the war. The sound and playability is way beyond anything I've played before - even the Gibson J-200 which was Elvis Presley's favourite and mine until now. I think it may have something to do with its age. It has a lived-in feel to it, as though it's been played every single day of its life. Like putting on an old pair of slippers (one's own slippers, I hasten) - it feels familiar, friendly and warm. I did wonder at its provenance - who'd played it and where; the fact that its original owners and its makers are probably long dead. Its life spent with a jobbing musician in smokey bars or on a beach somewhere in California in semi-retirement.

The guitar simply works with the player and projects everything that is desired and holds back everything that isn't - it responds dynamically and is perfect for the most detailed musical expression. Many instruments fail on this count and a lot of nuances are lost and effort wasted. I can't overstate the importance of a nice instrument to my students.

You'd probably say what a plain and care-worn old thing it is and I'd agree, but its lack of pretension is endeering and my goodness, it has been sprinkled in magic fairy dust. I don't know what sets one guitar so far apart from the rest of the field. This one's stable mates included other Gibsons, Martins, Lowdens, Taylors ... and many other worthy high end instruments - it made them all sound bland in the same room.

To buy something like this ? (IF you're lucky enough to find one) A cool £5000 plus. And a sound investment it would be too for a genuine piece of guitar history.

I wasn't a fan of Gibson acoustics - too many of them, in my experience, are built like barges and sound like cheap cigar boxes with garden wire stretched across them (don't ever buy offline) - but by God this one has soul and knocks the bindings and fretboard dots off of anything else. I shall forever indebted to its owner for the two hours he allowed me to play it. A truly memorable experience which I'm sure I shall cherish for the rest of my days.

Gibson 1946 J-45 replete with wear marks and dings.

A kick in the Grauniads

2011-07-16T21:46:00.007+11:30

I woke up today a mass of aches and pains. It appears that middle-age is upon me and there's bugger all I can do about it.

My ankle was aching from an injury I sustained a few months ago (attempting to ward off the onset of middle-age by jogging) My bum was killing me from haemorrhoid's, the small of my back aching from the awkward position I have to sit in at work, my chest was hurting from acid indigestion, my head was killing me because I dared to have one glass of red wine last night...

So now I have every sympathy with middle-aged politicians found dead in embarrassing circumstances.

I can now see the attraction of being stretched out, face down on a rack, with a dildo up my arse (best way to get the ointment in there) with Nursey standing in the small of my back (she may as well be in wipe-clean latex and high heels while she does it.) Of course, I'd need something like a snooker ball in my mouth to prevent me from screaming - the quiet and cool of a basement dungeon and a blindfold to help with the headache.

I can now see that this is just innocent therapy for a 46 year-old man a little past his best. If it's going to get any worse I don't want to grow old - roll on death !

So here it is. No phone-hacking required to get these sordid details from me, I give you them for free, Dear Reader.

So what's the politicians' beef with the tabloid press ?

I must be suffering from early onset of dementia too. I'm confused as to which tail is supposed to be wagging which dog. If our Prime Ministers really are beholden to the Right Wing Murdoch press then why do we keep on getting served every bit of the fucking Guardian's agenda ???

I can feel a war coming on.

2011-07-15T21:09:00.001+11:30

America reaching its legal debt limit ? Word in the air that she might default ? The East in the ascendancy and America faced with the very real prospect of being knocked permanently into second or third place ?

Psychologically they couldn't take this. Their historic pride and patriotism is such that they won't let it happen. They've grown used to being top dogs and their sense of entitlement is huge.

They're clever. Or at least they were. They waited until Europe was militarily exhausted before making their move. Will they wait for the emerging economies to become militarily mature before they start to assert themselves ?

One thing they have is around a dozen supercarrier battle fleets. So what if they're in debt. Why would they need money when they've got all that firepower ? China can keep all their gold, while the Americans take all the oil ... and the food.

I'm expecting a conflaguration started on some sort of pretext. Serious muscle flexing. Possibly over concocted stories of cyber attacks.

It's amazing how, in just a few generations, we can forget the true nature of the world.

What would we do without News International ?

2011-07-14T09:15:00.001+11:30

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3691605/Taxi-dear-me.html

Well you wouldn't get gems like this expose' for a start.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-HQnczK8oM

And this is a mini classic from YouTube. What's that they say about a good musician knowing when not to join in ??? Stick with it and you'll know what I mean.

I reckon the Royals have got another nut job on their hands.

2011-07-12T13:22:00.005+11:30

Shocking weight loss and the honeymoon isn't even over. If the Royals' doctors aren't on to it yet then they bloody well should be.

Millie Dowler - the straw that broke the cammel's back ? (An email response to a friend)

2011-07-10T21:32:00.007+11:30

The cammel's back isn't broken. This is one paper. Suspects have been identified. There are already laws to deal with it. Why a judicial inquiry to create new laws to muzzle the whole press ? By using 'the cammel's back' expression you are conflating these crimes (which will be dealt with by police and courts) with legitimate press scuttle-butt. You are saying "They victimised the politicians and now done the same to innocent Millie - they've broken the cammel's back and must ALL be muzzled." Prescott was shagging his secretary on taxpayer paid time, in taxpayer paid premises, he gave no thought to respecting the office of State and he was certainly not the paragon of family virtue he claimed to be to his electorate. An employer could lay charges of fraud if they pushed hard enough. The Millie case and Prescott's are not the same cammel.

The politicians and celebs have a beef with the press and have hijacked Millie. It's bigger news than the fact that 600 of our soldiers have died (countless more mutilated) in spurious wars only because the politicians, BBC and celebs want it to be. That we've become engulfed in a news storm is full evidence of how politically biased and left wing the BBC (by far the most powerful information media) is. Frankly I can think of things far worse over recent years for which I'd liked to have seen a news storm develop.

Prosecute the hacks and the PIs by all means. But they didn't kill countless thousands like Tony Blair did and his protege Cameron is doing in Libya now.

So clearly the politicians (and you) love it that a crime was committed against Millie. Aside our differences being that you've admitted relishing that it happened and I wish it hadn't - you're turning a single crime into something which is endemic current practice and demanding that the tabloids all fold up for it. Clearly this is not a news story. It is a war being waged by those purporting to be telling the news - namely the BBC in cahoots with the politicians and celebs who have long held ambitions to close down the critics of their cosey arrangements.

It may well happen but here I say "I told you so" because you will (hopefully) live long enough to see how shit this country is going to get. I do genuinely fear that our grandchildren (if not our children) will live in the shadow of gulags. A mocking press which pricks the pomposity and power of our aspirant elite has been part of our national character and part of our democratic strength for nearly two centuries now.

The politicians and celebrity classes couldn't get to the press through their own griping because A) What they were reported as doing wrong was absolutely true B) The public had no sympathy and wanted to know these things C) A vigorous and unremitting press was part of the celebrity/politico/press pact "We give you good publicity from which you can make a lot of money and your face becomes household, but the downside is that this can work against you too. You make good copy (especially with scandal) so best behave yourself if you don't want to appear in the next edition with a coat over your head."

Now the politicians have got Millie and are hoping and praying that the other journals have been at it too.

What you seem to be asking for is for us to have is a suppine and fawning press which never criticises on a personal level and we only ever hear how beautiful and munificent Jordan is. What sort of sugary syrupy world are you after ?

If we're going to have a judicial inquiry over this and have the press neutered - then it's only fair to have judicial inquiries over parliamentary expenses, Peerages for cash, dodgy dossiers for war with a view to closing Parliament down too.

What you hold in contempt surprises me. With me what makes my piss boil is things like Yardie gangsters running amock and being immune from deportation - people swindling the dole and living better than I do, lying politicians who work against the hard working, being labelled a racist because I dare comment on the amount of people allowed to live here ... stuff like that. With you it seems to be Blue Rinsers, small people who save for pensions and work dutifully until they're 65 paying their taxes, their mouthpiece - The Daily Mail.

"I know what's wrong with this country. It's the Daily Mail ! Get rid of that and we'll be much better for it."

Yours is the ruling class and has been for a few decades now - and that's why we're totally totally fucked.

Out of interest I'd like to know what papers you visitors read.

BBC Gets a chubby on

2011-07-08T07:10:00.008+11:30

"Hugh Grant on BBC's Question Time over the phone hacking scandal, tonight !" says the BBC continuity announcer breathlessly. David Dimbleby is apoplectic about it - hardly a BBC neutral stance about 'Murdoch' from him.

They're loving the demise of the News of the World because of the telephone hacking scandal. The lefties (including many Tories) smell the blood of all the tabloid newspapers and now - with an innocent such as Millie Dowler involved rather than a seedy and blameworthy politician - they want to seize the chance to rein in the press.

Like most people I know, I'm wondering why this is making such a big splash compared to, say, invading a country disastrously and then making millions of dollars on lecture tours in the country that instigated it.

Like most people I know, I'm wondering why the flooding of our country by mass immigration has barely caused a stir in those circles despite the fact that it's been accompanied by many deaths and rising crime in Britain.

This and many other scandals are far worse than a hacking scandal, however nasty that might be. Millie is a means to an end and she will be used ruthlessly. The Left are after the freedoms of the press to report and your freedom to know. After the failure of the Super Injunctions it must feel like Christmas for them.

New venue - new toy

2011-07-05T19:24:00.010+11:30

The Coffee Trading House reopened for a few weeks before closing up shop again "Dissolution of partnership" I'd played guitar there a couple of times but found the noise too much. A busy coffee shop is quite industrial when you have the grinders and smoothie-makers going. Andy and Sarah had set up in partnership with another couple - the place was employing up to four at a time and as busy as hell. It's hard to tell what's gone on.

In the meantime I've started a new 'contract' in a gorgeous little Italian restaurant, playing whatever night I want as many times a week as I want. It's a great room for acoustics and atmosphere and business has been picking up of late. The deal is that, for each gig, I get a meal for two and a bottle of wine - liqueurs and coffees are always thrown in. A cash free transaction - yay ! Then there're tips from the punters. It's not about the rewards but I do think it's an important measure to be paid for a gig - an endorsement if you like. It's great to start out doing it for free or for charity but it's a mark of progress to be able to transact. I play when I'm either late turn or off work altogether the next day. I'm putting on weight ... help !

Sometimes it gets quite lively in there. I need to turn the volume up but get problems with feedback - acoustic guitars are notoriously difficult to amplify. I researched the issue and found the solution. An LR Baggs Feedback Master from the USA. It works brilliantly. I cannot believe the clarity of the amplifier with this thing plugged in. I've had to search high and low for one of these devices as they've stopped making them. I've very glad I did.

Jake took his grade 3 ABRSM exam yesterday. He sounded utterly fantastic - the exam center at Ashburton has to be the best ever for sound. The room is such an important extension of the instrument and I'm not surprised that they hold concerts and competitions there and that candidates travel far and wide rather than use local centers. We have fingers crossed for a high score. I'd prepared him by entering him for music festivals and recitals to build his confidence and to learn how to deal with mistakes in front of an audience - this is a vitally important part of musicianship and not being scared of making mistakes is the best way to eradicate them altogether. I'm preparing for my grade 8 and will do a teaching diploma after that.

Benefits cap

2011-07-04T20:21:00.004+11:30

Communities Secretary Eric Pickles indicates in a letter that a proposed benefits cap will render 40,000 people homeless. Are the Tories beginning to waver on yet another election pledge ?

Will those homes really remain empty if benefits are capped so that unemployed people can’t be paid more than average workers ? Hardly. And I think most would view such a cap as more than fair bearing in mind that the majority of workers earn far less than the proposed cap of £26k.

Perhaps the rental market – over inflated by the benefits industry – might drop to realistic levels and those homes will finally come into reach of workers earning average wages who are unable to afford them because they are stupid enough to have jobs.

40,000 people may be forced to move out. Rejoice ! 40,000 more deserving will be able to move in !

I thought this was precisely the sort of thing the Tory party was supposed to stand for.

Ian Duncan Smith

2011-07-03T02:45:00.002+11:30

IDS says that British employers should favour British people over immigrants when it comes to selecting them for jobs.

Well IDS knows full well that such discrimination is illegal under labour and EU laws. Why should employers be forced to choose a candidate who might not be the best for the job ?

My point here is that politicians have helped to make many of our people unemployable by the way they're raised and educated - they've made it uneconomical for many unemployed people to take jobs because of the crazy benefits system. They then make up for skills shortages caused through failed policy by throwing our borders open to immigration. Now the politicians shift blame on to the employers.

Pensions strike

2011-07-01T03:31:00.003+11:30

Today public sector workers across Britain are on strike to protect their pensions. The Government has said that - owing to the recession - the money has run out and the workers are going to have to pay more and work longer.

A good policeman friend of mine is up in arms about it "It wasn't the deal when I joined the job. Why should they renege on it now that I'm senior in service ? I've paid a lot into my pension. I deserve it in full." Well join the millions of disappointed, wealth creating, private sector workers who have already been forced to bite the bullet on this one. As current life expectancy goes, the prospect is that my friend will live on his index linked pension for more years than he will have worked as a police officer. This cannot continue.

Incidentally the same policeman friend said recently and without any sense of irony, "This country is the best in the world. Where else can offenders have a choice of meals according to religious requirements, a translator, a free solicitor and access to medical treatment ?"

These people really do think that money grows on trees, you know.

You're f*%@£+ng nicked !

2011-06-29T10:30:00.004+11:30

The latest from the Metropolitan Police is that their officers are not to arrest yobs for swearing at them. A guidance card has been issued and in it are listed the words which are now permissible to be used against officers - this includes the 'c' word.

I'm reminded of the story which did the rounds when I was in the police. Probably an urban myth, but a good one nonetheless. A Met officer had been giving evidence to magistrates and the reason for him arresting the defendant was that he had used the word "bollocks" in public. The defence solicitor asked the Clerk of the Court to verify that "bollocks" was not in fact a term of abuse. The magistrate ruled, reluctantly, in favour of the defence after some consultation.

On further cross examination the defence solicitor asked the officer, "Well, seeing as there appears to have been no profanity on the part of my defendant there don't seem to have been grounds for you arresting him. Do you agree ?"

The officer replied, "It would seem so. Looks like I'm pretty much bollocksed, doesn't it !"

(Philipa - email me please. Anyone with comment moderation on - I am unable to get through it to comment on your blogs for some reason. Sorry.)

Love thy neighbour

2011-06-27T09:05:00.004+11:30

I remarked with some astonishment to my wife that Sharon (our next door neighbour left) was out weeding her poorly tended garden - for once ! She was bending over to do it in a low-cut top.

"Bloody hell ! Sharon's only doing the weeding !" Mrs E-K nodded to the window which was open and I hadn't realised. Sharon had heard me too and glanced at me with a wry look as if to say "Cheeky boy !"

Just as well I hadn't said what was really on my mind which was, "That's not a bad pair of bangers for an old bird."

(She's got 7 daughters and a younger husband who doesn't work so no - I'm not offering to do it.)

Anyway. I'm watching the brilliant Beyonce at Glastonbury with Mrs E-K. I couldn't quite put my finger on why I didn't think she (or last year's rap artist) should be headlining, "Is it 'cause they're black ?" and "Would you think it OK if it were Lady Gaga ?" Nope. I wouldn't like to see Lady Gaga headlining either even though I like her a lot. Now I think I know what it is. Glastonbury is meant to be for ROCK stars and not for POP stars.

To play in the mud one must first have grown in the mud.

Are we stuffed ?

2011-06-26T02:54:00.015+11:30

I mean ... I cannot believe that we have yet another messianic PM who has not only failed to extract our troops from one war but who has managed to drag us into another. One guided by his own sense of moral conviction rather than national interest.

His comment to our top military commander - who rightly complained of the dangers of overstretch because of the Libyan adventure - was "You do the fighting. I'll do the talking." it has to be one of the most crass ever made. Consider the impertinence of that comment. Does it in any way address the original complaint that the armed services are running out of money and will have to cut back on essential defences ?

I've long said that David Cameron is not the man for the job of getting Britain out of the moulee (I'm not just talking about the economy.) The evidence of this mounts by the day. His 'U' turn on crime and punishment was forced. Be in no doubt that the original course of halving prison sentences was his idea.

I don't think the Tories will win the next General Election. Cameron is coming across as indecisive on one hand and misguided on the other at the very time we need urgent action. Where is that going to leave us in four years time ?

Let sleeping dogs lie.

2011-06-23T03:52:00.010+11:30

Before I moved my family out west I used to drive commuter trains through the badlands of North London. We used to have a mess facility at Willesden in the heart of Yardie (Jamaican Gangsta) territory. One day I'd popped out for a bacon bap and passed an overturned car in the middle of the street - bullet holes down one side, the driver long since decamped, police helicopter circling above, the wailing of sirens approaching from the distance... it was an exciting place to work to be sure.

There were the usual assaults and muggings - for some reason they never picked on us, perhaps we all looked too poor.

We had a spate of gangstas despatching their attack dogs - once they'd got too old for fighting - and dumping their carcasses over the bridges on to the railway track. One day a huge Alsatian was discarded line side.

I drove past the poor mutt wondering what the world was coming to and then decided to think no more of it. That way madness lies.

Later that day I heard that the driver following my service (a chap I'd trained to drive, no less) had stopped and hauled the dead Alsatian into his driving cab. By all accounts it was already maggotty and was truly minging. It must have weighed at least 9 stones.

He took it to Euston mainline station. Naturally the platform staff there had no idea what to do with a stiff, putrifying dog dropped on them without warning. The punters were horrified. The platform had to be closed for a while. The train cab hosed out.

Not quite as much of a stir as was caused by another of my colleagues who phoned Heart FM Radio and entered a phone-in competition ... whilst driving a fully laden passenger train in the rush hour,

DJ "What's that hooter I can hear in the background ?"

Driver "It's my safety device."

DJ "What on earth are you doing ?"

Driver "Driving my train, of course."

She lost her driving job but got it back a year later. I did her re-training. A bloody good driver in actuality.

Royal Ass-cot (For Blue Eyes)

2011-06-20T05:54:00.006+11:30

The press was alight with it. Total anarchy. Tattoos everywhere (that's just the women.) Drunkenness and punch ups all over the place ...

A nation in decline as shown in stark relief on the Queen's favourite event in the equestrian calender. What has happened to 'Great' Britain ??? Ladies' Day at Royal Ascot races of all places.

Worst of all. WORST of all ...

Did Mrs E-K bring her winnings home to share with me for looking after the kids ? Did she buggery ! She spent the lot on plonk for her and her mates !

(Will get back to visiting once I've got time to restore my Link List which has disappeared for no apparent reason)

(Pips - please email me with your URL and permissions)